Administrative Closure

Category: Blogging
Today, about a month an a half until the year is gone... I decided I'm gonna close all accounts and prepare myself to enjoy whatever was bought and prepared during the year. This is, basically, I'm gonna stop making plans for the little days until 2008, stop filling my days with things to do, stop feeling as if its necessary to be busy to enjoy life.
All thru this year I discovered I'm stronger than I thought I was, I'm weaker than I thought I was, I'm girlier than I though, and more than any time in my life I found out that I'm a hard person when it comes to myself, and even harder when I don't accomplish my own very high standards.
So right now, I decided in this administrative closure of the year 2007, that I'm gonna enjoy all the hard work, good or bad of this year, and go ahead and just like in every big company that right now is preparing itself for holidays ahead, I'm gonna party, I'm gonna relax, I'm gonna enjoy the little days left of this difficult year that has left a big scar in everyone's life.
Last night, I went for a drive... part of my undeclared leave, I drove under the rain for good 2 hours. With that time behind the wheel, I could have gotten to the beach for sure, but my two venturous friends in the back of the car where hesitant to go anywhere further than the boundaries of Old Sloppy & Asphixiating Caracas...
Last night was all but confussing, after having a drunk guy trip over my friend and talk to himself in the street, watching a pregnant prostitute in a bikini hustling under the rain and getting the dirt into the most intimate relationships from people we really didn't appreciate as the enjoyable and exciting crowd... afterall... who wants to know how does a 70 yr old shaves down there???
I repeat, last night was just the start.
I've been rambling about David Duchovny's new series, Californication... and I realize now, that living in any big city in the world has nothing to envy the crazyness of living in cities such as LA or NYC... with the very appealing differences in between.
I won't go into explaing the everyday madness that Venezuela goes thru with the SOB that pretends to be our king, but there's something exciting about the particularities of going out at night and getting to know the nitty gritty of the low and high end human waste.
I guess I became more crude, unpolite and definitelly more grotesque this year as well. I blame it on Archi. It's not the cartoon, it's more like an eye opener.
I wonder if actually being on top of the world would feel this terrible and this fun... I've learned to appreciate the stress of my life, is basically the only drug I'm into this days, and that right now has became one of the things that make write today and not last night or the week before.
There's nothing like feeling that you are alive, even when you just felt that you were about to die, and this year taught me that, as the single and most important realization I could have this year.
People around you don't matter if you don't love, no matter how much you try, they don't. People around you might feel as the trees that you pass by on a road when travelling really fast if they dont get you or you don't get them.
I don't care anymore for excuses, I am what I am... with my almost too harsh sincerity, with my harsh comments, with my crazy way of walking thru life and the crazy people that entertain me day to day... I don't ask you to understand the way I interpret sex, or other lives, or religion, cause may be you might get stuck into a reflexion that might throw you into a coma. Leave it up to me, its my life and I don't expect you to learn how to live inside my brain.
Administrative closures mean that right now you enter a space of time where you need to let go, take it as it comes, don't question nothing, forget the budget cause you already bought all the party favors, just sit with that bowl of spiked punch and the table of cheese and eat it by yourself if you want it... is not that the world is gonna end... is that the party will come to an end and you will have to figure out what kind of party central you want your life to be... wether is a rave or a coffee by yourself.