Ash...?
I thought I heard you...
but then I recalled that you're gone.
Even though I know you are around me
I'm too used to talk to people with a face.
I wonder what its like to not live at this level...
People say that there's a hellI don't think so...
I believe at life in many levels
and I sure think that I live in the lowest one.
I have to face everyday the demons in my mind
that tell me that I'm simply not enough;
not enough, not even to be a human.
I laugh, they think they can beat me
I sometimes fear they try too hard and win.
I wish there could be a phone to call you
but I guess my mind is supposed to be it...
if only it wasn't broken...
I've come to think that I should call someone from the phone company...
You outgha think that I lost it...
Maybe its true
is that ever since you left
I have no body I live in a house with no doors and no windows
I don't even know how I got here.
You know, Ash,
even though I miss you´
there are so many things I can do better without you,
Like...Breathing, imagening, talking, moving
if only there was someone else
who could see me.
The thing is that
if nobody is around...how am I supposed to know I'm alive?
when I don't even know how not to think of you?
You may say
what's wrong with you?
is that with you around at least I moved
at least to fight and hit you as hard as I could.
And then, after I begin feeling tired
there is a sensation in the back of my throat
that tastes like remorse
maybe I shouldn't have hit you that hard that time...
The demons again
their voices sound like yours
I'm beginning to think that is you
haunting me from your grave.
And that's a grave that doesn't even exists
'cause, how the hell was I supposed to build it?
I sure can't be any goodnot alive, not even dead.
I hear the steps outside
and suddenly it starts to rain inside
I wonder how can that be possible...
I guess is you, getting on my nerves again.
The vanishing fog, surrounding me
but I can't see it that easily now
it seems like its part of me now
almost everything its part of me now.
In the mean time,
I distract them over negotiations
I manage to keep them of my mind
confussing them with my thoughts.
To think that I was afraid of them...!
all my life, I was scared of what would happen,
I guess it isn't at all as I supposed...
Its worse, but I can handle it.
In the few conversations with you...
and consider this my most important and last question...
Why did you kill me?
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