Birthday low steam - Jan 8th

Category: Blogging
How to overcome a feeling that I guess is embedded in my mind...?
Every year, my B-day comes and goes, leaving a left over taste... somewhere between sweet and, oh so sour. Its not depression over turning older, or a f*** ticking clock that we women have on our minds, or the examination of your past, present and future... Is just this feeling, in the back of my mind, in the middle of my chest that tells me that things just won't go as planned. I can't explain it, I fear my B-day, cause is filled with deception.
I fight it every year, try to come up with different ways to make it different, to celebrate instead of grieving it, to try to turn a dreadful day into something I won't forget ever in my life. Few occasions have worked out, and it wasn't like this year was a terrible deal, I still couldn't manage to dodge the sour left over.
A friend took the time of reminding me why b-days suck so much. In 10 different ways and reasons why in particular my Bday was doomed to begin with. Among other reasons is the date per se, so close to other holidays; the ever growing list of ex friends, the bad economic situation of people, the fact that people go on vacations on these days, etc... and then there's the fact that people just forget how much importance you give to a day, that is meant just for you... and well the other 100.000 people that came into this world the very same day as you did.
I won't change that position; we only get to have one f*** day that people celebrate you. That they celebrate the fact that you're alive, that you share your life with them, that you exist and make this world different, for better or for worse.
But what is the objective of this long rambling? well... none.
I realized in the 25 years I've been living in this world, that only few people are going to realize the importance of this aspect of my life, only my true friends and the people that trully care for me step up to the plate to know me enough to not let go of my hand, to hold me when I'm about to fall and to understand that this solitude is not a choice but a circunstance.
To all of you that remembered, I'll cherish the love you grant me everyday of my life, I'm a lucky girl to have such wonderful people, that even when scarce, fill my heart and the voids that my mind has saved for useless missions.
I luv you all.
Avi