I've learned I'm deaf... and blind. Going around dissmising things that seem of so little importance, and yet, in a matter of days you hear again your very same words and discover that not only are you deaf and blind, ... you have actually forgotten how to listen to your own voice.
I wonder now if I didn't notice important things going on in my life just because I didn't listen enough, or read enough, or just payed enough attention.
I already feel I'm limited enough as it is to add something like this to my long list of things I regret doing sometimes. Right now is too soon to feel as if there's something to learn from said situation.
I go around analyzing myself from dawn to dusk trying to see where is the clue, that telltale thing that guards inside of me and that keeps all the information as for why I feel so clueless, lost in myself.
I wonder now if my life could have been any different if I didn't dismiss important touchstones in my life. Was is for the better or for the worse? Where's that divine justice that we find so little in our lives?
I know is just a corny thing to think about, but unfortunatelly, the choices that we make sometimes without even thinking or noticing that we did, tumble like a snow ball down the hill, crashing into us full force when we realize that... we were just blind, deaf and a little mute too.
Right now I feel as if I'm floating, in a place where I'm not able to move foward or backwards, just here, waiting to hear, waiting to listen, for that something that was said to me before... I think I'm ready to listen this time, I think I know how it sounds, and what it means.
If there's any such thing as a second chance... people should be granted a heads up when you do get it, so in that one more opportunity, we go from dawn til dusk enjoying every minute of light, every change in the wind, every new moment, every new life.
I realized this afternoon, after seeing all of my day pass by my window, that life IS short... that I no longer think that I have all the time in the world to be or have all that I wanted, to grow, to change, to own or to love... My life ain't ending tomorrow, but the rest of my life should be of better use.
I answered today a question "what do you want to do before you die?" and I mean this... I want to live... I want to live my life, and all that it brings, full frontal, big and little, everything about it. I want to stop dodging bullets, and suffering, and pain, and dissapointment, cause even from that, we live. I want to trade every scar I've avoided for each and every wish I've guarded in my heart. I want to live.
The moments between dawn and dusk make your life...
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