make me...

Category: Religion and Philosophy

There's a path, that my emotions follow without any restraint... it broadens and stretches before me, looking long, looking eternal. Is just a road, that at times seems to end before my eyes, and it takes a few blinks away, to form again, like a dream, like a spell, only triggered by my fantasies...

Walking this path, I've come to see all these projections of myself, as if they were rooms I'd go into, sort of a movie playing before me; and believe me, there's nothing stranger than fiction.

I would imagine these rooms as possible lives I could have lived, and I tend to think that each one of those rooms might have been a better reality than my current… but is nothing like that.
When I look at my road, there, shinning, almost surreal, almost ethereal, there's a thing that still drives me mad with curiosity. Might it be the reason we never settle for the conscious opportunity? For the firm reality? For the normal situation?

There's a lot of us that live like this… always waiting for the next thrill, for the next bump, for the next experience that pushes all the air out of our lungs only to return a few moments after, leaving us wanting more. We starve for fresh situations of life.

I sincerely think that after me, there's a whole battalion following, waiting for me to make the wrong move and loose all my head start… and turn me into this settled reality I've run from. And the truth is that consciously, I began to slow down my trot a while ago… to see if, at last, normality catches up to me.

From this point where I'm standing, with all reserve and fright, I have to admit is not only different, but good in so many ways to think about just settling, is comfortable, is socially accepted, is normal. Who wouldn't want to get rid of all the persecution??

I know I wouldn't mind.

Each day, I get reminded that this path I'm walking should be some sort of honor, some sort of retribution to others of what I should be grateful for. I blame that on some twisted teaching of the catholic faith.

Now don't go on hanging me in the middle of the town square, but its true. For us latin american folks, our parents order us to honor them, to put their names up high, and praise them as if they were some sort of gods.

I got news for you.

They are not, and never will be, GOD. We tend to live our lives thinking is shameful to think, do, respond, act and live as we do sometimes, thinking that we will get punished by our behavior, that our parents just will be short of dissapointed and might as well disown us for good.

I wonder what happened to acceptance...?

In a society that changes so fast, and that has turned itself outwards time and again, why do we have to wait for others to accept that reality has changed? what of the people that deny themselves the punishment of living the lives others have decided for them? Why should we settle? why should we live other lives but our own?

I love my parents, I love my family, I laugh at their jokes, I consider them smart and sweet, but very handled by religion even when they do not think so.

I turned my back to catholicism about 13 years ago, if not more, and I'm only 25...I was clear enough back then to realize there was something very wrong about living your life out of fear and being ruled by people that sometimes do even more harm in a single week than you will ever do in your present life.

I know, you already screamed that you believe in your faith as for one that doesn't force you to believe, but you want to believe, that doesn't make you forget your questions, but to embrace them, that you have honorable priests and leaders... sadly that wasn't the case in my life, and among other reasons, I decided at that short age that in order for me to at least have some control of my life I had to walk away from things that did not seem right in my life.

When I look back at that path before described, I realize that right now I feel as well as I predicted, that I met people I never dreamed I would have, that I look at the world from a place where no wars have been started in the name of my faith, and that overall, is a path that doesn't expect from me anything less or more than what I'm able or wanting to give.

Not to be politically correct or anything, cause that actually doesn't exist, every religion has acts of faith that shape your path in the right way, but getting obsessed about the right way or the wrong way, makes it just the opposite to the meaning of a religion or a believe that should rule your life.

Faith should be that part of your life that makes it so that you find solace without having to compromise or feel threatened or afraid. It should fill you whole, and leave nothing behind.