Current mood: contemplative
Category: Blogging
Human beings live all of their lives based in expectations... yeah, don't come to me saying that you don't... we all do.
Even in the simplest of situations, we have a small hope of the way a thing is going to develop, is inserted in whatever chip controls our emotions and controls our feelings over things.
We are told over and over again to live, give, act, without expecting anything to be received, done or responded in return; some sort of method of protection from dissapointment, some sort of reasurance for humility, not sure why, but its common knowledge.
There are some cases in which the expectations play such an important part of whatever is going on, that, if in the event of dissapointment, hits harder than possibly the worst feeling you've had so far in your life.
Dissapointment from said expectations are, sometimes, just too hard to face.
Take, for example, this advice from my grandma: "Never believe anyone that tells you that you're pretty or beautiful, you'll be setting yourself up for dissapointment cause they don't mean it, probably motivated by jelaousy or other motives... " In a nutshell, don't trust anyone, don't expect anyone to be true about your assets, and then you won't be dissapointed when it turns out that guy didn't mean it, or the person that complimented you was really after your trust and possibly your job.
I've lived part of my life based in that philosophy. And its sad. I never believed a guy that told me I was beautiful, ...possibly hurting his feelings; never have been comfortable receiving compliments about my work, possibly shutting myself out of greater realities... and so on... in an effort to actually live without expectations.
And that's only a part of it. Now that Christmas is almost gone, and that the season evolves into this frantic desire to share some sort of feelings in more than words but tangible things like presents, trips, etc. the common feeling is that we never do get what we desire or deserve. Given the fact some might put a lot of effort trying to show some love or appretiation, others just sit tight waiting to be served, cause for them, They've worked enough. These are the ones that think that they always deserve EVERYTHING.
I've been troubled from the start. Even just being "christmassy"
I never think I've had a good christmas; if it isn't the presents that were crappy and that showed no knowledge of the things I like, was the fact that every chrstmas seems to be sadder, crappier, distorted, dissolved, and "extremelly unchristmassy"; cause even for me, the one that tries not to have expectations, I can't find it even to feel those basics of the season: to share Love as a sentiment, not material items, with the ones you love.
So expectations over being rewarded with some warm feelings of brotherhood, love, etc, basic expectations like such, don't even those can get fullfilled.
So I come to wonder... should we just expect nothing, like the saying goes, or live a life of giving, trying to educate along the way all the people that don't take a minute to consider what a person might feel the minute that hears, sees or gets whatever has been chosen with such care and detail for them?
Don't get me wrong, just because I've grown tired of crappy presents, it doesn't mean that I don't go into that store and pick exactly what I feel that person would love, more than anything... I just die for that smile and the spark in the eye of that person when they see what they got. Its like everything for me becomes simpler, an issue of innocence, or just that, the basic need of approval, of reasurance that you've done your job nicely and that you actually read that person right.
Is that sometimes people think that they gave enough... but what is enough? should it be enough for me or for you in the receiving end? why should we settle for enough and not aim for greatness? or even so, when it comes to just sharing feelings, and not money, which scarces so much these days, why are we so cheap?
Unfulfilled expectations and the fear of dissapointment have turned and destroyed many relationships, many families, many carreers, some for expecting too much, some for expecting too little.
Expectations, actually, drive our lives... cause we expect love, fortune, rewards in general that we learn from the beginning that we won't get, just because you don't get to have everything in the world, and from then on, we judge everything in our lives with that same principle.
Expectations play a fundamental part of our fear, insecurities, of our drive, of our balance, and of our demisse. I've kid myself saying that that is more important than others knowing me, cause basically, I've also shut myself from others, following said advice from my grandma. Ironic huh?
Sometimes, I just secretly hope for a person that does the very same thing for me... analyze me, study me, and then... fill the expectations that I've hidden not to get hurt... I'm still waiting.
Avi
No comments:
Post a Comment