Category: Blogging
Today, about a month an a half until the year is gone... I decided I'm gonna close all accounts and prepare myself to enjoy whatever was bought and prepared during the year. This is, basically, I'm gonna stop making plans for the little days until 2008, stop filling my days with things to do, stop feeling as if its necessary to be busy to enjoy life.
All thru this year I discovered I'm stronger than I thought I was, I'm weaker than I thought I was, I'm girlier than I though, and more than any time in my life I found out that I'm a hard person when it comes to myself, and even harder when I don't accomplish my own very high standards.
So right now, I decided in this administrative closure of the year 2007, that I'm gonna enjoy all the hard work, good or bad of this year, and go ahead and just like in every big company that right now is preparing itself for holidays ahead, I'm gonna party, I'm gonna relax, I'm gonna enjoy the little days left of this difficult year that has left a big scar in everyone's life.
Last night, I went for a drive... part of my undeclared leave, I drove under the rain for good 2 hours. With that time behind the wheel, I could have gotten to the beach for sure, but my two venturous friends in the back of the car where hesitant to go anywhere further than the boundaries of Old Sloppy & Asphixiating Caracas...
Last night was all but confussing, after having a drunk guy trip over my friend and talk to himself in the street, watching a pregnant prostitute in a bikini hustling under the rain and getting the dirt into the most intimate relationships from people we really didn't appreciate as the enjoyable and exciting crowd... afterall... who wants to know how does a 70 yr old shaves down there???
I repeat, last night was just the start.
I've been rambling about David Duchovny's new series, Californication... and I realize now, that living in any big city in the world has nothing to envy the crazyness of living in cities such as LA or NYC... with the very appealing differences in between.
I won't go into explaing the everyday madness that Venezuela goes thru with the SOB that pretends to be our king, but there's something exciting about the particularities of going out at night and getting to know the nitty gritty of the low and high end human waste.
I guess I became more crude, unpolite and definitelly more grotesque this year as well. I blame it on Archi. It's not the cartoon, it's more like an eye opener.
I wonder if actually being on top of the world would feel this terrible and this fun... I've learned to appreciate the stress of my life, is basically the only drug I'm into this days, and that right now has became one of the things that make write today and not last night or the week before.
There's nothing like feeling that you are alive, even when you just felt that you were about to die, and this year taught me that, as the single and most important realization I could have this year.
People around you don't matter if you don't love, no matter how much you try, they don't. People around you might feel as the trees that you pass by on a road when travelling really fast if they dont get you or you don't get them.
I don't care anymore for excuses, I am what I am... with my almost too harsh sincerity, with my harsh comments, with my crazy way of walking thru life and the crazy people that entertain me day to day... I don't ask you to understand the way I interpret sex, or other lives, or religion, cause may be you might get stuck into a reflexion that might throw you into a coma. Leave it up to me, its my life and I don't expect you to learn how to live inside my brain.
Administrative closures mean that right now you enter a space of time where you need to let go, take it as it comes, don't question nothing, forget the budget cause you already bought all the party favors, just sit with that bowl of spiked punch and the table of cheese and eat it by yourself if you want it... is not that the world is gonna end... is that the party will come to an end and you will have to figure out what kind of party central you want your life to be... wether is a rave or a coffee by yourself.
December 7, 2007
Si tuviera una vagina
Luis Fernández (Diario El Mundo)
Si tuviera una vagina y si tuviera una cita con 'el hombre de mi vida' forma muy común de etiquetar al sujeto del encuentro cuando digamos, esta noche se tiene vagina, tendría por ley que hacerme las dos preguntas fundamentales que me definirían como mujer...
En primer lugar, tendría que mirarme largo y tendido en el espejo y afirmar: ¡estoy gorda!, y acto seguido abrir las puertas del closet y preguntarme: ¿qué me pongo?
Esa noche, él hablaría de temas variados, fingiría estar interesado en conocerme mejor y en su mente rondaría el único objetivo de penetrar mi vagina. Yo tendría que imaginarme teniendo sus hijos y envejeciendo románticamente a su lado.
Luego haríamos el 'amor' o, al menos, eso tendría yo que creer.
Finalizado el acto, y aunque la cosa dure escasos 13 minutos, y tenga que fingir el orgasmo, tendría que hacerle la segunda de las preguntas: ¿papi, tú me quieres? Él respondería con un monosílabo indescifrable, y yo pasaría la noche en vela convenciéndome de que no soy una 'perra'.
Al día siguiente esperaría ansiosa su llamada, y esperaría, y esperaría. Él nunca llamaría y yo comenzaría a desarrollar ese resentimiento crónico contra el hombre que unifica a toda fémina arrecha. Empezaría a crearme expectativas imposibles y cada día sería más y más difícil dar con nuevos 'hombres de mi vida' hasta envejecer conspirando eternamente con otras mujeres arrechas... y solas.
Y es que detrás de esas terribles preguntas aparentemente frívolas esta todo:
'Estoy gorda' no sirvo, no doy la talla, no soy lo suficientemente buena para merecer ser amada...
'¿Qué me pongo?' Qué hago para que me quieran, De qué me disfrazo para que me acepte, Cómo lo convenzo de que puedo hacerlo feliz...
'¿Papi, tú me quieres?' Me valoras?, Te das cuenta de lo extraordinaria que soy?, Puedes apreciar las virtudes que yo misma ignoro?, Quiéreme por el amor de Dios!!! , aunque yo me deteste...
....Interrogantes que dan pie a consideraciones demasiado profundas y dolorosas para ser comprendidas en toda su dimensión por la mente básica de un macho.
De modo que, si en verdad un día amaneciera y tuviera una vagina, y además tuviera la bendita cita (que ya no sería con el hombre de la vida de nadie, sino con un carajo al que me provocó dársela.... Me miraría en el espejo y, pasara lo que pasara, me vería estupenda. Comenzaría por valorarme yo y no perdería el tiempo tratando de complacer tanto a terceros. Me pondría lo primero que encontrara en el closet y saldría a la calle sintiéndome divina y bien buena Con él, hablaría de fútbol, de cine y un poco de moda. No haríamos el amor, pero 'tiraríamos' rico.
Por supuesto no le preguntaría si me quiere porque, vamos a sincerarnos, yo a él tampoco lo quiero. Le pediría, eso sí, que no me llamara, que en todo caso yo lo 'contactaría'. Al día siguiente habría olvidado su cara, su nombre y su mediocridad, continuaría mis días sin tener ni la más remota necesidad de 'realizarme' como mujer, de casarme, de formar un hogar, del nefasto 'para toda la vida' y todas esas zoquetadas sociales.
En fin, si tuviera una vagina... ¡SERIA UNA MUJER QUE ME AMARIA YO MISMA SIN ESPERAR NADA DE NINGUN HOMBRE, QUE ME IMPORTARA UN PITO SI PIENSAN QUE SOY PUTA O NO...TOTAL VIVIRIA MI VIDA COMO MEJOR ME PAREZCA .TOTAL LA VIDA ES UN MOMENTICO Y CUANDO VOLTEES SE TE VA EN PENDEJERAS...PENSANDO EN CUANDO LLEGARA EL ' HOMBRE DE TU VIDA'......!
Luis FernándezPublicado en el diario El Mundo
Si tuviera una vagina y si tuviera una cita con 'el hombre de mi vida' forma muy común de etiquetar al sujeto del encuentro cuando digamos, esta noche se tiene vagina, tendría por ley que hacerme las dos preguntas fundamentales que me definirían como mujer...
En primer lugar, tendría que mirarme largo y tendido en el espejo y afirmar: ¡estoy gorda!, y acto seguido abrir las puertas del closet y preguntarme: ¿qué me pongo?
Esa noche, él hablaría de temas variados, fingiría estar interesado en conocerme mejor y en su mente rondaría el único objetivo de penetrar mi vagina. Yo tendría que imaginarme teniendo sus hijos y envejeciendo románticamente a su lado.
Luego haríamos el 'amor' o, al menos, eso tendría yo que creer.
Finalizado el acto, y aunque la cosa dure escasos 13 minutos, y tenga que fingir el orgasmo, tendría que hacerle la segunda de las preguntas: ¿papi, tú me quieres? Él respondería con un monosílabo indescifrable, y yo pasaría la noche en vela convenciéndome de que no soy una 'perra'.
Al día siguiente esperaría ansiosa su llamada, y esperaría, y esperaría. Él nunca llamaría y yo comenzaría a desarrollar ese resentimiento crónico contra el hombre que unifica a toda fémina arrecha. Empezaría a crearme expectativas imposibles y cada día sería más y más difícil dar con nuevos 'hombres de mi vida' hasta envejecer conspirando eternamente con otras mujeres arrechas... y solas.
Y es que detrás de esas terribles preguntas aparentemente frívolas esta todo:
'Estoy gorda' no sirvo, no doy la talla, no soy lo suficientemente buena para merecer ser amada...
'¿Qué me pongo?' Qué hago para que me quieran, De qué me disfrazo para que me acepte, Cómo lo convenzo de que puedo hacerlo feliz...
'¿Papi, tú me quieres?' Me valoras?, Te das cuenta de lo extraordinaria que soy?, Puedes apreciar las virtudes que yo misma ignoro?, Quiéreme por el amor de Dios!!! , aunque yo me deteste...
....Interrogantes que dan pie a consideraciones demasiado profundas y dolorosas para ser comprendidas en toda su dimensión por la mente básica de un macho.
De modo que, si en verdad un día amaneciera y tuviera una vagina, y además tuviera la bendita cita (que ya no sería con el hombre de la vida de nadie, sino con un carajo al que me provocó dársela.... Me miraría en el espejo y, pasara lo que pasara, me vería estupenda. Comenzaría por valorarme yo y no perdería el tiempo tratando de complacer tanto a terceros. Me pondría lo primero que encontrara en el closet y saldría a la calle sintiéndome divina y bien buena Con él, hablaría de fútbol, de cine y un poco de moda. No haríamos el amor, pero 'tiraríamos' rico.
Por supuesto no le preguntaría si me quiere porque, vamos a sincerarnos, yo a él tampoco lo quiero. Le pediría, eso sí, que no me llamara, que en todo caso yo lo 'contactaría'. Al día siguiente habría olvidado su cara, su nombre y su mediocridad, continuaría mis días sin tener ni la más remota necesidad de 'realizarme' como mujer, de casarme, de formar un hogar, del nefasto 'para toda la vida' y todas esas zoquetadas sociales.
En fin, si tuviera una vagina... ¡SERIA UNA MUJER QUE ME AMARIA YO MISMA SIN ESPERAR NADA DE NINGUN HOMBRE, QUE ME IMPORTARA UN PITO SI PIENSAN QUE SOY PUTA O NO...TOTAL VIVIRIA MI VIDA COMO MEJOR ME PAREZCA .TOTAL LA VIDA ES UN MOMENTICO Y CUANDO VOLTEES SE TE VA EN PENDEJERAS...PENSANDO EN CUANDO LLEGARA EL ' HOMBRE DE TU VIDA'......!
Luis FernándezPublicado en el diario El Mundo
The Wooden Pic, or sort of the gift for one of my brothers
I met a place in my mind where no doubts, or judges stand to critize,
where there's a lot of noise, but at the same time...everything is calm.
Perpetual voices scream and shout
their desires, their needs, their pain, their joy...
No one needs to be sedated
No one needs to find a way
No one needs to be sane
When you're in this place.
I know you love to visit,
to get knee deep into this shit
to inmerse yourself in all the crazy combinations
of deluded selfs, of rushed feelings,
of crushed meanings...in that place in your mind.
This is the road to crazyville and I'm loving it.
Anger swells and burns,
stretching veins,
making me one huge flame,
of dissapointment,
or regret...
The voices speak but I can't hear
I chose to forget why they live here.
You don't know me, don't judge, I already have the voices to tell me
I'm a failure sometimes.
I scream
I scream
I scream
Let the voices go for a walk
Let them tell me what to do
Let them guide me
into this town
into my mind
into this place
into pain
into a flashing of what has been my life.
You don't know me at all...
I bend and feel I could crack at minute now...
Sometimes anger is not enough
Hate is not enough
Regret is not enough
Violence is not enough
I feel it building... and blood is not enough.
I hit
and hit
I scream
and scream
this town is my sight...
You know its all about to start...I lost it... and let frustration take over.
I'm broken...maybe its time to start another...
God knows I'm not out of voices...
where there's a lot of noise, but at the same time...everything is calm.
Perpetual voices scream and shout
their desires, their needs, their pain, their joy...
No one needs to be sedated
No one needs to find a way
No one needs to be sane
When you're in this place.
I know you love to visit,
to get knee deep into this shit
to inmerse yourself in all the crazy combinations
of deluded selfs, of rushed feelings,
of crushed meanings...in that place in your mind.
This is the road to crazyville and I'm loving it.
Anger swells and burns,
stretching veins,
making me one huge flame,
of dissapointment,
or regret...
The voices speak but I can't hear
I chose to forget why they live here.
You don't know me, don't judge, I already have the voices to tell me
I'm a failure sometimes.
I scream
I scream
I scream
Let the voices go for a walk
Let them tell me what to do
Let them guide me
into this town
into my mind
into this place
into pain
into a flashing of what has been my life.
You don't know me at all...
I bend and feel I could crack at minute now...
Sometimes anger is not enough
Hate is not enough
Regret is not enough
Violence is not enough
I feel it building... and blood is not enough.
I hit
and hit
I scream
and scream
this town is my sight...
You know its all about to start...I lost it... and let frustration take over.
I'm broken...maybe its time to start another...
God knows I'm not out of voices...
Not To Feel overwhelmed or anything
I think I've started to feel a little numb... no wait... I'm numb.
You know when you sleep on your side, on top of you arm, and when you wake up that arm feels as if it doesn't belong to you? that's how a part of me feels... Its not my heart, or any of my limbs, but is something inside.
A part of me has turned numb from so many things, from hurt, from restrictions, from the inhability to see the future in this place sometimes, that many I know just transit these days as if we're made of metal, insensitive, not a feeling in our days... no wait, there are feelings, of impotence, of anger and dissapointment.
This is a never ending hell, the one we're living in.
What is a country without any working force? or illusions... or dreams... or future?
What is a life without anything to look foward? are we in the path into which we're gonna become this image of fullness just there to fill a spot, to populate a place without sustance, without entrance, without exit...
This situation is lacking a solution, when people that live among us have not met better conditions, or better posibilities, or just plain better lives.
What about us the ones that used to lead a better life, that wish we had enough strenght to build a future and now can't afford it?
I once said I wouldn't speak politics in this space, but what if politics just won't respect my boundaries? Politics have crawl into bed with me, into my family dinners, into all of my phone calls, into the plane ticket, into my internet browser, into my grocery store and the most important place... my exclusive peace of mind.
I doubt anyone has peace of mind these days.
The world is going thru some serious problems these days, and each and everyone of us holds a microcell of the reality that surrounds us... filled with dispair, threat, terror, lack of hope and intolerance.
Fortunate each one of you that can wake up everyday feeling that you just woke up to do the things you want to do and that by the end of said day you will be on your way to achieving it.
Some of us do not have that privilege, some of us wake up feeling that tomorrow we will wake up with less hope.
You know when you sleep on your side, on top of you arm, and when you wake up that arm feels as if it doesn't belong to you? that's how a part of me feels... Its not my heart, or any of my limbs, but is something inside.
A part of me has turned numb from so many things, from hurt, from restrictions, from the inhability to see the future in this place sometimes, that many I know just transit these days as if we're made of metal, insensitive, not a feeling in our days... no wait, there are feelings, of impotence, of anger and dissapointment.
This is a never ending hell, the one we're living in.
What is a country without any working force? or illusions... or dreams... or future?
What is a life without anything to look foward? are we in the path into which we're gonna become this image of fullness just there to fill a spot, to populate a place without sustance, without entrance, without exit...
This situation is lacking a solution, when people that live among us have not met better conditions, or better posibilities, or just plain better lives.
What about us the ones that used to lead a better life, that wish we had enough strenght to build a future and now can't afford it?
I once said I wouldn't speak politics in this space, but what if politics just won't respect my boundaries? Politics have crawl into bed with me, into my family dinners, into all of my phone calls, into the plane ticket, into my internet browser, into my grocery store and the most important place... my exclusive peace of mind.
I doubt anyone has peace of mind these days.
The world is going thru some serious problems these days, and each and everyone of us holds a microcell of the reality that surrounds us... filled with dispair, threat, terror, lack of hope and intolerance.
Fortunate each one of you that can wake up everyday feeling that you just woke up to do the things you want to do and that by the end of said day you will be on your way to achieving it.
Some of us do not have that privilege, some of us wake up feeling that tomorrow we will wake up with less hope.
The nature and effectiveness of an apology
Current mood: crushed
Category: Writing and Poetry
I've kind of wondered these past hours about what does it take to feel satisfied by an apology... about those words or actions that make people feel better after something has been hurt, after they have been offended, after something has been broken and needs fixing.We go around life, never knowing when you'll have to apologize or never ready to receive one. And its that, none of us really know how to do it, how to receive it, or actually how to act so you'll never have to apologize at all.Let's see. will attempt to rationalize over these options, in the case any of you are stuck in the sorry situation of being in any of the ends of these umcomfortable parts of life.
How to apologize
Let's say you have done something wrong... it's a small fault... no biggie... you stepped on someone's foot... Immediately turn around and say with a kind of surprised, kind of sad, small hint of a plea: "Oh, I'm so sorry!" You have to watch for the reaction of this person, since a lot of people have not read the second part of this blog that explains how to receive an apology, but most of all what you're looking for in that person's face is how bad you hurt that person's foot. You have no idea if the person has a very sensitive skin, or a foot problem, or its overall very sensitive and if it was the case... it actually didn't hurt at all cause either they are wearing steel toed boots or their foot is fake.Apologizing depends on so many factors of human nature that the event is filled with all the fears that our race is plagued by... threat, discomfort, fear itself, insecurities, you name it... even pride. To apologize to someone, the first thing you actually have to do is recognize the thing that was done wrong... that you actually have hurt someone and if so... recognize the necessity of letting the other party know that you know it was wrong and that you don't feel good about what happened and that ultimately you need them to know that.For all of this to happen... you need to have some insight into what's right and what's wrong... 'cause to apologize, really, you have to know you actually have to do it. The thing about giving an apology is that people shouldn't have to be told they need to apologize. It must come from within that person to be effective; 'cause even if you give it out, and that other person accepts it, it won't be long until that other person realizes that you weren't sincere and the whole thing will be worse than before.Of course, the gravity of this will only be enhanced by the gravity of the fault. Maybe you don't need to worry if that person you stepped on while rushing thru the hall didn't believe your apology, but what if the fault wasn't that mild, what if you betrayed? what if you cheated? what if you lied? what if you did something that requires that other person to really believe you're sorry, but, unfortunately, underachieve in your attempt of letting that person know you know it was wrong?
What if you don't know it was wrong? What if you simply don't want to apologize? I will go on into this topic later on.
How to receive an apology
It hurt, it was unexpected, and it had to be today: the day you decided to wear the strappy Manolo Blahnik sandals that you have been hiding from your dog for 3 years, and now, besides the red spot that threatens to turn into a purple bulge in your fresh pedicured foot, the strap of this cherished shoe, its detached, broken, ruined, ...in one word... lost. Yeah, I'm a girl. This, believe me, in girl world, matters; its effort, its money, its the little girlie stuff inside us that yells "my precious" to a 600$ pair of shoes that mean "I feel wonderful" even when the worst day is ahead of you... And then, there he is, the guy that stomped on your foot... or the girl, cause shit happens. There could be a number of things you could do.. You could scream and curse, you could even cry... you could also listen to see if the harm that can't be undone can be at least lessened by some explanation or some heartfelt apology.
Yeah, there's an option. You can get an apology, and depending on how conscious that other person is, you might in the craziest of times, get a new pair of shoes to mend the harm. Yeah, sometimes, pigs can fly.The thing about receiving an apology is that you depend on the clarity the other person has about reality. You depend on how much the other person is in touch with their own feelings. You depend on the ability of that other person to put themselves in the strappy sandals and walk in that bruised foot. Hell, for what they know, they might have even broken a bone.And then you realize a stomped foot might be the very symbol of how the world turned into this crazy place where we go around and simply don't know when to start apologizing and when to simply give the other cheek, and accept people make mistakes.You look into that person's eyes, and you try, you turn into an investigator, you search for clues, if it was up to you, you'd get all CSI on them and pry open your dusting kit and look for the finger prints of that empathy the person might be feeling over your pain and discomfort. They say they are sorry... but why should you believe them? Is it actions you need? is it urge in their voice? is it that something that even on a letter makes it believable? I think, right there, you have struck gold. There's something really human into making an apology believable; I don't know what it is, but it might be some special sense we're equipped with to recognize when we should accept someone else's recognition of our pain.But then again... what if our pain is too great? What if there are no more of those strappy sandals to replace the broken ones? What if you can't get over the pain? What if the harm went deeper than a broken bone, but to break your spirit, your heart and the very image of yourself?How can you accept an apology, if you ever get one, after you feel so bad that it blinds you?Some of us aren't that advanced into forgiveness to receive an apology from a person, maybe because we're too used to phony excuses, to lies, to insensitivity. And when that happens, even when we run into an honest apology, sometimes, our senses are too clouded to figure out what to do, and go for the easier answer, the human answer, and the age old answer... the violence.And this becomes a vicious circle... for so many reasons: people that don't give apologies, people that don't believe apologies, people that fear apologizing and avoid it at any costs, and people that over bad experiences respond to apologies the worst way the find and traumatize a potential apologizer or apologee to go and spread the madness... humans cannot be sensitive about the fact that they are what they are... simply humans.
How to avoid apologizing and apologies
Yeah, I could go for hours saying how you can do right, how you can be good, how you will never hurt anyone and be free of guilt, pain, deception and sorrow. But is that really living? Now we could try to lessen the harm, we could try to hurt less people, we could try to learn from the pain and see what went wrong so only this time we have to suffer, but never have to visit this place again.Unfortunately, apologies, like pain, cannot be avoided if you have to give them and if you have to receive them, but is up to us to forgive, is up to us to believe in that person's understanding, is up to us to grow into some sense of knowledge of ourselves and how bad it will feel to be in the receiver's end of the pain... and why not? Actually have some soul into our hearts and feel sorry about it and stop the madness.
Yeah, you know them: they travel in packs, they walk funny, they scratch themselves, and they don't apologize. These people can't recognize any event to be sorry for. These people don't feel the necessity of letting another feel relieved by the apology, these people have a limitation to put themselves into the sandals or have chosen not to feel sorry for anything.These people, I think, have a lot to learn. The inability to ask for forgiveness and the inability to forgive have turned our lives into a never-ending race to make the other feel our pain, to make the other feel our wounds, to make the other step into our hell for a single minute... or forever.This analysis didn't come into my mind just for some ethereal study of our environment; it came because, just like this, I stepped into some shoes I never had walked on before. Practical example of an apology situation
I go around life trying my hardest not to hurt anyone, and if I have to do it, I try at least to make them learn something useful from the situation and try my best to put into that person's shoes to know if, really, I have to apologize.When I have to receive an apology, I try not to look a lot into it, because I can't recognize all the time when people are being sincere... let's admit it, we don't have supernatural powers to strip a person of their liar costume, but we try.And at the end, ignorance is bliss, and sometimes, part of the forgiveness... If we don't know we're being played, we may be avoiding a confrontation that might not be worth our time, our pain and our tears.
The bad thing is that I ran into someone that maybe has the inability to step into my shoes, that mattered in my life enough to not be ignored, that couldn't or wouldn't give a truthful apology... and really, I doubt, right now, if he even meant to give one. Is that, again, to give one, you should know why...So before we go and get hurt, before we get "chewed on & spitted out" maybe, just maybe, we need to know why apologizing hardly works these days... People could be amazed if they knew how important they are to a lot of people, sometimes it even means the ability to recover, sometimes it means a closure, sometimes it could give meaning to someone's pain, sometimes it might give purpose to someone's life, sometimes can mean a lot...sometimes it might save one or a million lives.I won't die from not being apologized to, but it made my life a little bit sadder, it made my life a joke, it made my life a little shorter, because like the strappy sandal that was lost by damage... I lost time, I lost my pride, I lost my self respect, I lost my self esteem, I lost my confidence, I lost my ability to trust, I lost something I thought I owned and never did.
In the way, my heart shrunk a little, my ability to be surprised, the ability to believe in people, the ability to find the good in everything and to actually go thru life without expecting an apology, where lost... because there are some actions you can't avoid apologizing for and some actions you can't avoid be apologized for.An apology, a sincere, heartfelt, understanding apology might have avoided me from writing this long attempt to teach, at least one person, the importance of having some retribution after harm and the importance of receiving it. Then again, something good might have happened after all this pain and someone could be picking up the phone to say "I'm sorry." Someone could be forgiving now, someone could end a fight... someone could understand why right now I feel I lost myself in the way and now I'm looking in the mirror and finding a reflection I never had seen before... Someone could choose not to be hated, and actually learn from harm and never make themselves and others suffer from this same pain again.
We come into this world to learn, we might as well do it.
Category: Writing and Poetry
I've kind of wondered these past hours about what does it take to feel satisfied by an apology... about those words or actions that make people feel better after something has been hurt, after they have been offended, after something has been broken and needs fixing.We go around life, never knowing when you'll have to apologize or never ready to receive one. And its that, none of us really know how to do it, how to receive it, or actually how to act so you'll never have to apologize at all.Let's see. will attempt to rationalize over these options, in the case any of you are stuck in the sorry situation of being in any of the ends of these umcomfortable parts of life.
How to apologize
Let's say you have done something wrong... it's a small fault... no biggie... you stepped on someone's foot... Immediately turn around and say with a kind of surprised, kind of sad, small hint of a plea: "Oh, I'm so sorry!" You have to watch for the reaction of this person, since a lot of people have not read the second part of this blog that explains how to receive an apology, but most of all what you're looking for in that person's face is how bad you hurt that person's foot. You have no idea if the person has a very sensitive skin, or a foot problem, or its overall very sensitive and if it was the case... it actually didn't hurt at all cause either they are wearing steel toed boots or their foot is fake.Apologizing depends on so many factors of human nature that the event is filled with all the fears that our race is plagued by... threat, discomfort, fear itself, insecurities, you name it... even pride. To apologize to someone, the first thing you actually have to do is recognize the thing that was done wrong... that you actually have hurt someone and if so... recognize the necessity of letting the other party know that you know it was wrong and that you don't feel good about what happened and that ultimately you need them to know that.For all of this to happen... you need to have some insight into what's right and what's wrong... 'cause to apologize, really, you have to know you actually have to do it. The thing about giving an apology is that people shouldn't have to be told they need to apologize. It must come from within that person to be effective; 'cause even if you give it out, and that other person accepts it, it won't be long until that other person realizes that you weren't sincere and the whole thing will be worse than before.Of course, the gravity of this will only be enhanced by the gravity of the fault. Maybe you don't need to worry if that person you stepped on while rushing thru the hall didn't believe your apology, but what if the fault wasn't that mild, what if you betrayed? what if you cheated? what if you lied? what if you did something that requires that other person to really believe you're sorry, but, unfortunately, underachieve in your attempt of letting that person know you know it was wrong?
What if you don't know it was wrong? What if you simply don't want to apologize? I will go on into this topic later on.
How to receive an apology
It hurt, it was unexpected, and it had to be today: the day you decided to wear the strappy Manolo Blahnik sandals that you have been hiding from your dog for 3 years, and now, besides the red spot that threatens to turn into a purple bulge in your fresh pedicured foot, the strap of this cherished shoe, its detached, broken, ruined, ...in one word... lost. Yeah, I'm a girl. This, believe me, in girl world, matters; its effort, its money, its the little girlie stuff inside us that yells "my precious" to a 600$ pair of shoes that mean "I feel wonderful" even when the worst day is ahead of you... And then, there he is, the guy that stomped on your foot... or the girl, cause shit happens. There could be a number of things you could do.. You could scream and curse, you could even cry... you could also listen to see if the harm that can't be undone can be at least lessened by some explanation or some heartfelt apology.
Yeah, there's an option. You can get an apology, and depending on how conscious that other person is, you might in the craziest of times, get a new pair of shoes to mend the harm. Yeah, sometimes, pigs can fly.The thing about receiving an apology is that you depend on the clarity the other person has about reality. You depend on how much the other person is in touch with their own feelings. You depend on the ability of that other person to put themselves in the strappy sandals and walk in that bruised foot. Hell, for what they know, they might have even broken a bone.And then you realize a stomped foot might be the very symbol of how the world turned into this crazy place where we go around and simply don't know when to start apologizing and when to simply give the other cheek, and accept people make mistakes.You look into that person's eyes, and you try, you turn into an investigator, you search for clues, if it was up to you, you'd get all CSI on them and pry open your dusting kit and look for the finger prints of that empathy the person might be feeling over your pain and discomfort. They say they are sorry... but why should you believe them? Is it actions you need? is it urge in their voice? is it that something that even on a letter makes it believable? I think, right there, you have struck gold. There's something really human into making an apology believable; I don't know what it is, but it might be some special sense we're equipped with to recognize when we should accept someone else's recognition of our pain.But then again... what if our pain is too great? What if there are no more of those strappy sandals to replace the broken ones? What if you can't get over the pain? What if the harm went deeper than a broken bone, but to break your spirit, your heart and the very image of yourself?How can you accept an apology, if you ever get one, after you feel so bad that it blinds you?Some of us aren't that advanced into forgiveness to receive an apology from a person, maybe because we're too used to phony excuses, to lies, to insensitivity. And when that happens, even when we run into an honest apology, sometimes, our senses are too clouded to figure out what to do, and go for the easier answer, the human answer, and the age old answer... the violence.And this becomes a vicious circle... for so many reasons: people that don't give apologies, people that don't believe apologies, people that fear apologizing and avoid it at any costs, and people that over bad experiences respond to apologies the worst way the find and traumatize a potential apologizer or apologee to go and spread the madness... humans cannot be sensitive about the fact that they are what they are... simply humans.
How to avoid apologizing and apologies
Yeah, I could go for hours saying how you can do right, how you can be good, how you will never hurt anyone and be free of guilt, pain, deception and sorrow. But is that really living? Now we could try to lessen the harm, we could try to hurt less people, we could try to learn from the pain and see what went wrong so only this time we have to suffer, but never have to visit this place again.Unfortunately, apologies, like pain, cannot be avoided if you have to give them and if you have to receive them, but is up to us to forgive, is up to us to believe in that person's understanding, is up to us to grow into some sense of knowledge of ourselves and how bad it will feel to be in the receiver's end of the pain... and why not? Actually have some soul into our hearts and feel sorry about it and stop the madness.
Yeah, you know them: they travel in packs, they walk funny, they scratch themselves, and they don't apologize. These people can't recognize any event to be sorry for. These people don't feel the necessity of letting another feel relieved by the apology, these people have a limitation to put themselves into the sandals or have chosen not to feel sorry for anything.These people, I think, have a lot to learn. The inability to ask for forgiveness and the inability to forgive have turned our lives into a never-ending race to make the other feel our pain, to make the other feel our wounds, to make the other step into our hell for a single minute... or forever.This analysis didn't come into my mind just for some ethereal study of our environment; it came because, just like this, I stepped into some shoes I never had walked on before. Practical example of an apology situation
I go around life trying my hardest not to hurt anyone, and if I have to do it, I try at least to make them learn something useful from the situation and try my best to put into that person's shoes to know if, really, I have to apologize.When I have to receive an apology, I try not to look a lot into it, because I can't recognize all the time when people are being sincere... let's admit it, we don't have supernatural powers to strip a person of their liar costume, but we try.And at the end, ignorance is bliss, and sometimes, part of the forgiveness... If we don't know we're being played, we may be avoiding a confrontation that might not be worth our time, our pain and our tears.
The bad thing is that I ran into someone that maybe has the inability to step into my shoes, that mattered in my life enough to not be ignored, that couldn't or wouldn't give a truthful apology... and really, I doubt, right now, if he even meant to give one. Is that, again, to give one, you should know why...So before we go and get hurt, before we get "chewed on & spitted out" maybe, just maybe, we need to know why apologizing hardly works these days... People could be amazed if they knew how important they are to a lot of people, sometimes it even means the ability to recover, sometimes it means a closure, sometimes it could give meaning to someone's pain, sometimes it might give purpose to someone's life, sometimes can mean a lot...sometimes it might save one or a million lives.I won't die from not being apologized to, but it made my life a little bit sadder, it made my life a joke, it made my life a little shorter, because like the strappy sandal that was lost by damage... I lost time, I lost my pride, I lost my self respect, I lost my self esteem, I lost my confidence, I lost my ability to trust, I lost something I thought I owned and never did.
In the way, my heart shrunk a little, my ability to be surprised, the ability to believe in people, the ability to find the good in everything and to actually go thru life without expecting an apology, where lost... because there are some actions you can't avoid apologizing for and some actions you can't avoid be apologized for.An apology, a sincere, heartfelt, understanding apology might have avoided me from writing this long attempt to teach, at least one person, the importance of having some retribution after harm and the importance of receiving it. Then again, something good might have happened after all this pain and someone could be picking up the phone to say "I'm sorry." Someone could be forgiving now, someone could end a fight... someone could understand why right now I feel I lost myself in the way and now I'm looking in the mirror and finding a reflection I never had seen before... Someone could choose not to be hated, and actually learn from harm and never make themselves and others suffer from this same pain again.
We come into this world to learn, we might as well do it.
The stain in the glass
Category: Writing and Poetry
In the window, by my room, I keep staring at the life passing by... the people running after hopeless dreams; the ones standing in the sidewalk, turning their head every way, just too afraid of risking... too afraid of getting ran over... and the wiser ones that walk, because they already now that there's no sense in getting tired... your destiny always catches up with you.
And I see you, staring at me, staring at you walking in circles by a bus stop, undecided, yet so determined. You know where you want to go, you know what's waiting for you... you're just not sure that you really want it.
And I understand you, as I have been sitting by this window, analizing everyone, every path, every failure, every person that never comes back to this window, but never actually getting the courage to step down and join the army of believers that still think there's a place where you go and feel... accomplished.
Is that secretly I depend on you walking by this space in time, letting me feel that I'm not alone, that you too have been staying at this bus stop, because I can't find it in me to forget that my fears are not unique, not one in a million, not unreadable, but so common, and true, and justifiable as yours... but you're just waiting for me to realize that... and I'm trapped in the vicious circle of feeling vulnerable.
Sometimes... I just feel I'm the glass in this window that is meant to be detailed, examined, wiped and beaten by the rain, scorched by the sun and forgotten by the light... in the shadows, the glimpses of light that manage to get thru, only enhance the imperfections, the damages of time, the things I try to hide behind raggy courtains that cover nothing.
'Cause just as me, you've been analizing, studying, and getting desperate. Everyday your wait is heavier, and I realize now that is because of me. 'Cause you got tired of me being a coward... and trying to escape life.
How can we manage to know? how do you know that if I take your hand I can walk with you? how can I trust you'll never let go? how? how do I shut my fears? how do I make me numb enough to feel life? how can I forget about the blemishes in the surface and pretend that one bad day the stains will be too opaque, too dark to see life anymore?
You touch the glass... and for a minute, it seems too fragile to bear such an invasion... You're the one to know that under the fire, such fears, can only become liquid.
In the window, by my room, I keep staring at the life passing by... the people running after hopeless dreams; the ones standing in the sidewalk, turning their head every way, just too afraid of risking... too afraid of getting ran over... and the wiser ones that walk, because they already now that there's no sense in getting tired... your destiny always catches up with you.
And I see you, staring at me, staring at you walking in circles by a bus stop, undecided, yet so determined. You know where you want to go, you know what's waiting for you... you're just not sure that you really want it.
And I understand you, as I have been sitting by this window, analizing everyone, every path, every failure, every person that never comes back to this window, but never actually getting the courage to step down and join the army of believers that still think there's a place where you go and feel... accomplished.
Is that secretly I depend on you walking by this space in time, letting me feel that I'm not alone, that you too have been staying at this bus stop, because I can't find it in me to forget that my fears are not unique, not one in a million, not unreadable, but so common, and true, and justifiable as yours... but you're just waiting for me to realize that... and I'm trapped in the vicious circle of feeling vulnerable.
Sometimes... I just feel I'm the glass in this window that is meant to be detailed, examined, wiped and beaten by the rain, scorched by the sun and forgotten by the light... in the shadows, the glimpses of light that manage to get thru, only enhance the imperfections, the damages of time, the things I try to hide behind raggy courtains that cover nothing.
'Cause just as me, you've been analizing, studying, and getting desperate. Everyday your wait is heavier, and I realize now that is because of me. 'Cause you got tired of me being a coward... and trying to escape life.
How can we manage to know? how do you know that if I take your hand I can walk with you? how can I trust you'll never let go? how? how do I shut my fears? how do I make me numb enough to feel life? how can I forget about the blemishes in the surface and pretend that one bad day the stains will be too opaque, too dark to see life anymore?
You touch the glass... and for a minute, it seems too fragile to bear such an invasion... You're the one to know that under the fire, such fears, can only become liquid.
Paper pattern
Category: Romance and Relationships
Regulary, I can't help but hearing people around me that are being questioned about their plans to have a family and how the clock is ticking and we are not doing something about it.
Our parents, back in the day, were married and had kids at our age, many of them had a fairly organized plan of life, and for many of them, the search was definitelly over.
Us, the children of those parents, were brought up with a drawing on paper of what our lives should be and when it should be... only to find that now a days is harder to fullfill outdated customs or plans... mostly because now we have more options, life isn't just about populating the planet.
Then, in my case, and I'm sure in the case of so many others... I haven't found a way to hold on to the person I think that might come close to that paper pattern that I drew and have been modifying over the years.
Recently, just out of luck, I met a guy that was ok... the kind of guy most of my friends say is husband material... but was he really? For me, he was missing the "it" factor. And now... what's the IT factor?
For me, is a gathering of a number of details, desires, models, and so many other things that you witness, live and see along your life that you recognize as the things you might want... drawn into a pattern, that you hold up to everyone you meet and check if they fit. Its not a physical thing, its not a personality thing, not an spiritual thing... it might be something that in my case was missing from the perfect example of the good boy that you dream to take home to mama, and make her proud of your choice.
The problem is not him, is me ... that in my search for perfection have decided that the paper pattern doesn't fit that easily onto everyone.
Then... thinking about it, I realize that, the pattern acts as a baby proofing of sorts, that prevents me from taking chances, and try the old crash and burn... what if no one really fits that pattern... It factor included? Couldn't it be true that someone can grow to fit that drawing and fill the It shoes? doesn't it need to have some of me to become IT??
Now, freak out... the perfect fit might have been discarded a while ago without even notticing... it was fun, but deep down I still believe that It is still out there... Success might not relate to following the pattern, but to actually building a pattern that fits you and not some other rule.
Regulary, I can't help but hearing people around me that are being questioned about their plans to have a family and how the clock is ticking and we are not doing something about it.
Our parents, back in the day, were married and had kids at our age, many of them had a fairly organized plan of life, and for many of them, the search was definitelly over.
Us, the children of those parents, were brought up with a drawing on paper of what our lives should be and when it should be... only to find that now a days is harder to fullfill outdated customs or plans... mostly because now we have more options, life isn't just about populating the planet.
Then, in my case, and I'm sure in the case of so many others... I haven't found a way to hold on to the person I think that might come close to that paper pattern that I drew and have been modifying over the years.
Recently, just out of luck, I met a guy that was ok... the kind of guy most of my friends say is husband material... but was he really? For me, he was missing the "it" factor. And now... what's the IT factor?
For me, is a gathering of a number of details, desires, models, and so many other things that you witness, live and see along your life that you recognize as the things you might want... drawn into a pattern, that you hold up to everyone you meet and check if they fit. Its not a physical thing, its not a personality thing, not an spiritual thing... it might be something that in my case was missing from the perfect example of the good boy that you dream to take home to mama, and make her proud of your choice.
The problem is not him, is me ... that in my search for perfection have decided that the paper pattern doesn't fit that easily onto everyone.
Then... thinking about it, I realize that, the pattern acts as a baby proofing of sorts, that prevents me from taking chances, and try the old crash and burn... what if no one really fits that pattern... It factor included? Couldn't it be true that someone can grow to fit that drawing and fill the It shoes? doesn't it need to have some of me to become IT??
Now, freak out... the perfect fit might have been discarded a while ago without even notticing... it was fun, but deep down I still believe that It is still out there... Success might not relate to following the pattern, but to actually building a pattern that fits you and not some other rule.
echo
I sat on my bed the other night, sleepless, tired, and frustrated. My heart was pounding unconfortably, way too much, as if suddenly I was scared of something, or someone.
Sometimes, I realize how dumb it is to feel as if you're missing something, or forgetting something and don't remember for days that that is wrong. I've learned to fear this moments, 'cause even when some of them might be accompanied by exciting events, my mind has learned that sooner or later I will find out something is wrong.
Tonight, it was different. I was scared of me, scared of standing still, scared of what I've done, and what I didn't do, of my thoughts, of my desires... scared that I'm wrong and that I was never right.
The fact is that I go around saying I'm gonna fight for what ever it is I want, and I realize that right now, at this moment, in this second... I don't know what I want.
I've been standing still, in the same place, sort of floating in a place I can't step out from. And now I realize why I'm here... 'cause being afraid of possibilities I've been too fearful to take on to risky situations that would expose whatever weakness I possess.
I have made up my mind to confront all the things that I think might pull me under a rock. I've made up my mind.
Sometimes, I realize how dumb it is to feel as if you're missing something, or forgetting something and don't remember for days that that is wrong. I've learned to fear this moments, 'cause even when some of them might be accompanied by exciting events, my mind has learned that sooner or later I will find out something is wrong.
Tonight, it was different. I was scared of me, scared of standing still, scared of what I've done, and what I didn't do, of my thoughts, of my desires... scared that I'm wrong and that I was never right.
The fact is that I go around saying I'm gonna fight for what ever it is I want, and I realize that right now, at this moment, in this second... I don't know what I want.
I've been standing still, in the same place, sort of floating in a place I can't step out from. And now I realize why I'm here... 'cause being afraid of possibilities I've been too fearful to take on to risky situations that would expose whatever weakness I possess.
I have made up my mind to confront all the things that I think might pull me under a rock. I've made up my mind.
Nonsense
Category: Blogging
Latelly, I've been in this faded mood, where I no longer care for the things that should have been important to me. You might say is not a good way to be living the 3rd month of the year, but I don't remember the last time I was extasic with my life... wait.. i do remember!
It was just a few years ago. It was just a few months ago. It was just a few weeks ago... definitelly not a few days ago... See the thing is that some of us has set a label on to happiness.
Hapiness means this : (insert your sureal desire right here)
We go around life listening to each others miserable prediction of life, sureal goals, unachievable dreams, and most of all, the desire of all of us to control something that is so completelly unpredictable... Life.
I must confess that I'm a control freak. For those who know me, you know how my closet looks, how my drawers look... geez, how my desktop looks! and how I act among others... always telling people how things should be done, and why is better my way... is very hard to be lead, so you can pretty much imagine how hard it is for me to swim into something that will not follow orders, that changes everyday, and that, at the end, is meant to be that way.
I've learned though, to be patient enough to cruise through the waves, to bend with the wind and to breathe deeply everytime my mind gets tested. Its not an easy task, believe me, I've found myself restraining my need of punching something when I'm really mad, just because anger will not change my reality, it might seem like it, but unfortunatelly, growing desperate only enhances the worst of the feelings that you get over this: dissapointment.
I won't tell you the reasons why I feel dissapointed right now, they might probably seem useless and not relevant to your own personal crisis, and the truth is that even though they might seem that way, we're all related in our problems. Yeah, its all a circle, the butterfly effect is right, and everything you do in this uncontrolable sea is gonna come back to you full force to ruin that sand castle you've been building way too close to the shore.
Years, Months, Weeks, Days.. and still I'm not even sure what true happiness means to me.
I used to think having a good job would bring me some, it just gave less angst; people used to tell me that living by myself will bring me freedom, guess what? I've been living by myself since I was 17 and I had never felt more tied down to the invisible nothing than right now. Then there's the always optimistic want of your relatives, that follows the always pesimistic commentary by said people that you will and should get married, that you will and should have kids, and that you will and should live a normal life.
I don't remember if it was my idea to want to have kids, or to want to get married, or so many other things that they insert in that chip, for you to ride. So on top of all of the uncotrolable things you have to face, you also have to achieve all these goals... that might have not been yours, that might not have been in your mind if it weren't for the need of others to control your life too. I mean, they can't control theirs, why should they control yours?
I found that riding your needs as the surface might be the sanest of ideas, to sit down and try to pick you brain might help you know yourself, analize why you do things and you might find what you trully want from life, amazing huh? You might also have an objective in this planet that is not influenced by others but your true self.
And if you don't, dont worry, sometimes when in the lack of a plan, a guideline is always usefull, only make sure that convinience doesn't step into your own system. Comfort should not and will not satisfy a need if it overlaps something you trully desire & need. In other words, fulfilling some desire that neutralizes another will make you unhappier, there's no lie in this, you have to be true to yourself, and know what represents more to you, even if it looks smaller.
And so, I stand into this blank space, I've picked my brain so many times that I no longer know what would make me happy, 'cause I've lost my way so many times that I think I just got lost in a road that sometimes seems eternal... and even here, is just a road, look at it, maybe after all might take me somewhere I didn't know I wanted to be at.
Latelly, I've been in this faded mood, where I no longer care for the things that should have been important to me. You might say is not a good way to be living the 3rd month of the year, but I don't remember the last time I was extasic with my life... wait.. i do remember!
It was just a few years ago. It was just a few months ago. It was just a few weeks ago... definitelly not a few days ago... See the thing is that some of us has set a label on to happiness.
Hapiness means this : (insert your sureal desire right here)
We go around life listening to each others miserable prediction of life, sureal goals, unachievable dreams, and most of all, the desire of all of us to control something that is so completelly unpredictable... Life.
I must confess that I'm a control freak. For those who know me, you know how my closet looks, how my drawers look... geez, how my desktop looks! and how I act among others... always telling people how things should be done, and why is better my way... is very hard to be lead, so you can pretty much imagine how hard it is for me to swim into something that will not follow orders, that changes everyday, and that, at the end, is meant to be that way.
I've learned though, to be patient enough to cruise through the waves, to bend with the wind and to breathe deeply everytime my mind gets tested. Its not an easy task, believe me, I've found myself restraining my need of punching something when I'm really mad, just because anger will not change my reality, it might seem like it, but unfortunatelly, growing desperate only enhances the worst of the feelings that you get over this: dissapointment.
I won't tell you the reasons why I feel dissapointed right now, they might probably seem useless and not relevant to your own personal crisis, and the truth is that even though they might seem that way, we're all related in our problems. Yeah, its all a circle, the butterfly effect is right, and everything you do in this uncontrolable sea is gonna come back to you full force to ruin that sand castle you've been building way too close to the shore.
Years, Months, Weeks, Days.. and still I'm not even sure what true happiness means to me.
I used to think having a good job would bring me some, it just gave less angst; people used to tell me that living by myself will bring me freedom, guess what? I've been living by myself since I was 17 and I had never felt more tied down to the invisible nothing than right now. Then there's the always optimistic want of your relatives, that follows the always pesimistic commentary by said people that you will and should get married, that you will and should have kids, and that you will and should live a normal life.
I don't remember if it was my idea to want to have kids, or to want to get married, or so many other things that they insert in that chip, for you to ride. So on top of all of the uncotrolable things you have to face, you also have to achieve all these goals... that might have not been yours, that might not have been in your mind if it weren't for the need of others to control your life too. I mean, they can't control theirs, why should they control yours?
I found that riding your needs as the surface might be the sanest of ideas, to sit down and try to pick you brain might help you know yourself, analize why you do things and you might find what you trully want from life, amazing huh? You might also have an objective in this planet that is not influenced by others but your true self.
And if you don't, dont worry, sometimes when in the lack of a plan, a guideline is always usefull, only make sure that convinience doesn't step into your own system. Comfort should not and will not satisfy a need if it overlaps something you trully desire & need. In other words, fulfilling some desire that neutralizes another will make you unhappier, there's no lie in this, you have to be true to yourself, and know what represents more to you, even if it looks smaller.
And so, I stand into this blank space, I've picked my brain so many times that I no longer know what would make me happy, 'cause I've lost my way so many times that I think I just got lost in a road that sometimes seems eternal... and even here, is just a road, look at it, maybe after all might take me somewhere I didn't know I wanted to be at.
Thursday, March 01, 2007
Blogging Madness
So I haven't posted any recommendations for anything.. give me a break real life sucks, I'm too busy and dealing with some new house issues I have to resolve!
So, suscribe to my blog, and when I have a rec, i'll have it...
Congrats to you all, and have a great st. paddys!
Avi
So I haven't posted any recommendations for anything.. give me a break real life sucks, I'm too busy and dealing with some new house issues I have to resolve!
So, suscribe to my blog, and when I have a rec, i'll have it...
Congrats to you all, and have a great st. paddys!
Avi
Ok, you're right...
Current mood: happy
Category: Blogging
Yeah, you're right, there's life out there :)
And is so funny that people have to intoxicate themselves to give them a chance to explore new posibilities...
I guess it is true what you say about me, I have to stop being so uptight...
Its amazing to see myself from another perspective, and that's what happened to me in a matter of days. Sometimes we realize that we're so inmerse into our goals, our premade ideas, into our absurd dreams that we forget that there are other possibilities... and yet you don't want to rush things into something that could ruin the possibility as it is.
Someone did say this to me once... I admit that premade ambitions did come in the way into acceptance of the concept, but we have to admit that when it comes to matters of such importance is difficult to look away when you're having such a great time.
And this happens with everything in our lives, from work to love, we let opportunities pass just because we have been focussing too much into trying to lift from the ground, trying to lift off and let our efforts make it so that we achieve our desires, and forgeting that there could be easier ways to get to the same goal.
When you get the time, do the paintor thing, stop for a minute, step back, take a deep breath and look at the canvas. You'll begin to see that when you look at things from a broader expectrum, you might consider other details you might have forgotten while painting in a micro vision.
Give it a try... :p
Avi
Category: Blogging
Yeah, you're right, there's life out there :)
And is so funny that people have to intoxicate themselves to give them a chance to explore new posibilities...
I guess it is true what you say about me, I have to stop being so uptight...
Its amazing to see myself from another perspective, and that's what happened to me in a matter of days. Sometimes we realize that we're so inmerse into our goals, our premade ideas, into our absurd dreams that we forget that there are other possibilities... and yet you don't want to rush things into something that could ruin the possibility as it is.
Someone did say this to me once... I admit that premade ambitions did come in the way into acceptance of the concept, but we have to admit that when it comes to matters of such importance is difficult to look away when you're having such a great time.
And this happens with everything in our lives, from work to love, we let opportunities pass just because we have been focussing too much into trying to lift from the ground, trying to lift off and let our efforts make it so that we achieve our desires, and forgeting that there could be easier ways to get to the same goal.
When you get the time, do the paintor thing, stop for a minute, step back, take a deep breath and look at the canvas. You'll begin to see that when you look at things from a broader expectrum, you might consider other details you might have forgotten while painting in a micro vision.
Give it a try... :p
Avi
Weekly Music - Feb. 12th
Category: Music
In the lights of last sunday... I will comment about the good things. Since talking about all the winners might be a long task that I won't be putting you through, I'll stick to my favorite genres these days, Rock & Alternative.
I won't go around filling you with the dissapointment I encountered with some of the choices that were made by this group of people that I don't know when was the last time they listened to music, but hey, not everything is bad these days. So in a sort of exercise, I invite you to compare some of the choices and make your own decision.
The categories that in my opinion should be revised are: Best Rock Instrumental Performance, Best Rock Song and Best Rock Album, in the rock genre; Best Alternative Music Album & Best Male R&B Vocal Performance, just to name the few categories in the whole thing that should be really revised from the get go.
Go to Grammys.com, and look it up... makes for a good exercise into knowing and exploring music... I know most of you have never listened to many of these songs but, hey, its a very good time to begin forming an opinion!
As promised, The MySpace Music Recommendation starts today. So this is the first Rec.
Shanti is, according to her MySpace, a new promissing artists, who's influences come from Pop/Club/Dance. The one song I like from the 3 she has uploaded to her page, is "Three". Nice beat, it should do wonders with a better instrumentation, but what can u do?
If you wanna look up her up, go to http://www.myspace.com/shatiofficial.
'Til next week...
Avi
In the lights of last sunday... I will comment about the good things. Since talking about all the winners might be a long task that I won't be putting you through, I'll stick to my favorite genres these days, Rock & Alternative.
I won't go around filling you with the dissapointment I encountered with some of the choices that were made by this group of people that I don't know when was the last time they listened to music, but hey, not everything is bad these days. So in a sort of exercise, I invite you to compare some of the choices and make your own decision.
The categories that in my opinion should be revised are: Best Rock Instrumental Performance, Best Rock Song and Best Rock Album, in the rock genre; Best Alternative Music Album & Best Male R&B Vocal Performance, just to name the few categories in the whole thing that should be really revised from the get go.
Go to Grammys.com, and look it up... makes for a good exercise into knowing and exploring music... I know most of you have never listened to many of these songs but, hey, its a very good time to begin forming an opinion!
As promised, The MySpace Music Recommendation starts today. So this is the first Rec.
Shanti is, according to her MySpace, a new promissing artists, who's influences come from Pop/Club/Dance. The one song I like from the 3 she has uploaded to her page, is "Three". Nice beat, it should do wonders with a better instrumentation, but what can u do?
If you wanna look up her up, go to http://www.myspace.com/shatiofficial.
'Til next week...
Avi
make me...
Category: Religion and Philosophy
There's a path, that my emotions follow without any restraint... it broadens and stretches before me, looking long, looking eternal. Is just a road, that at times seems to end before my eyes, and it takes a few blinks away, to form again, like a dream, like a spell, only triggered by my fantasies...
Walking this path, I've come to see all these projections of myself, as if they were rooms I'd go into, sort of a movie playing before me; and believe me, there's nothing stranger than fiction.
I would imagine these rooms as possible lives I could have lived, and I tend to think that each one of those rooms might have been a better reality than my current… but is nothing like that.
When I look at my road, there, shinning, almost surreal, almost ethereal, there's a thing that still drives me mad with curiosity. Might it be the reason we never settle for the conscious opportunity? For the firm reality? For the normal situation?
There's a lot of us that live like this… always waiting for the next thrill, for the next bump, for the next experience that pushes all the air out of our lungs only to return a few moments after, leaving us wanting more. We starve for fresh situations of life.
I sincerely think that after me, there's a whole battalion following, waiting for me to make the wrong move and loose all my head start… and turn me into this settled reality I've run from. And the truth is that consciously, I began to slow down my trot a while ago… to see if, at last, normality catches up to me.
From this point where I'm standing, with all reserve and fright, I have to admit is not only different, but good in so many ways to think about just settling, is comfortable, is socially accepted, is normal. Who wouldn't want to get rid of all the persecution??
I know I wouldn't mind.
Each day, I get reminded that this path I'm walking should be some sort of honor, some sort of retribution to others of what I should be grateful for. I blame that on some twisted teaching of the catholic faith.
Now don't go on hanging me in the middle of the town square, but its true. For us latin american folks, our parents order us to honor them, to put their names up high, and praise them as if they were some sort of gods.
I got news for you.
They are not, and never will be, GOD. We tend to live our lives thinking is shameful to think, do, respond, act and live as we do sometimes, thinking that we will get punished by our behavior, that our parents just will be short of dissapointed and might as well disown us for good.
I wonder what happened to acceptance...?
In a society that changes so fast, and that has turned itself outwards time and again, why do we have to wait for others to accept that reality has changed? what of the people that deny themselves the punishment of living the lives others have decided for them? Why should we settle? why should we live other lives but our own?
I love my parents, I love my family, I laugh at their jokes, I consider them smart and sweet, but very handled by religion even when they do not think so.
I turned my back to catholicism about 13 years ago, if not more, and I'm only 25...I was clear enough back then to realize there was something very wrong about living your life out of fear and being ruled by people that sometimes do even more harm in a single week than you will ever do in your present life.
I know, you already screamed that you believe in your faith as for one that doesn't force you to believe, but you want to believe, that doesn't make you forget your questions, but to embrace them, that you have honorable priests and leaders... sadly that wasn't the case in my life, and among other reasons, I decided at that short age that in order for me to at least have some control of my life I had to walk away from things that did not seem right in my life.
When I look back at that path before described, I realize that right now I feel as well as I predicted, that I met people I never dreamed I would have, that I look at the world from a place where no wars have been started in the name of my faith, and that overall, is a path that doesn't expect from me anything less or more than what I'm able or wanting to give.
Not to be politically correct or anything, cause that actually doesn't exist, every religion has acts of faith that shape your path in the right way, but getting obsessed about the right way or the wrong way, makes it just the opposite to the meaning of a religion or a believe that should rule your life.
Faith should be that part of your life that makes it so that you find solace without having to compromise or feel threatened or afraid. It should fill you whole, and leave nothing behind.
There's a path, that my emotions follow without any restraint... it broadens and stretches before me, looking long, looking eternal. Is just a road, that at times seems to end before my eyes, and it takes a few blinks away, to form again, like a dream, like a spell, only triggered by my fantasies...
Walking this path, I've come to see all these projections of myself, as if they were rooms I'd go into, sort of a movie playing before me; and believe me, there's nothing stranger than fiction.
I would imagine these rooms as possible lives I could have lived, and I tend to think that each one of those rooms might have been a better reality than my current… but is nothing like that.
When I look at my road, there, shinning, almost surreal, almost ethereal, there's a thing that still drives me mad with curiosity. Might it be the reason we never settle for the conscious opportunity? For the firm reality? For the normal situation?
There's a lot of us that live like this… always waiting for the next thrill, for the next bump, for the next experience that pushes all the air out of our lungs only to return a few moments after, leaving us wanting more. We starve for fresh situations of life.
I sincerely think that after me, there's a whole battalion following, waiting for me to make the wrong move and loose all my head start… and turn me into this settled reality I've run from. And the truth is that consciously, I began to slow down my trot a while ago… to see if, at last, normality catches up to me.
From this point where I'm standing, with all reserve and fright, I have to admit is not only different, but good in so many ways to think about just settling, is comfortable, is socially accepted, is normal. Who wouldn't want to get rid of all the persecution??
I know I wouldn't mind.
Each day, I get reminded that this path I'm walking should be some sort of honor, some sort of retribution to others of what I should be grateful for. I blame that on some twisted teaching of the catholic faith.
Now don't go on hanging me in the middle of the town square, but its true. For us latin american folks, our parents order us to honor them, to put their names up high, and praise them as if they were some sort of gods.
I got news for you.
They are not, and never will be, GOD. We tend to live our lives thinking is shameful to think, do, respond, act and live as we do sometimes, thinking that we will get punished by our behavior, that our parents just will be short of dissapointed and might as well disown us for good.
I wonder what happened to acceptance...?
In a society that changes so fast, and that has turned itself outwards time and again, why do we have to wait for others to accept that reality has changed? what of the people that deny themselves the punishment of living the lives others have decided for them? Why should we settle? why should we live other lives but our own?
I love my parents, I love my family, I laugh at their jokes, I consider them smart and sweet, but very handled by religion even when they do not think so.
I turned my back to catholicism about 13 years ago, if not more, and I'm only 25...I was clear enough back then to realize there was something very wrong about living your life out of fear and being ruled by people that sometimes do even more harm in a single week than you will ever do in your present life.
I know, you already screamed that you believe in your faith as for one that doesn't force you to believe, but you want to believe, that doesn't make you forget your questions, but to embrace them, that you have honorable priests and leaders... sadly that wasn't the case in my life, and among other reasons, I decided at that short age that in order for me to at least have some control of my life I had to walk away from things that did not seem right in my life.
When I look back at that path before described, I realize that right now I feel as well as I predicted, that I met people I never dreamed I would have, that I look at the world from a place where no wars have been started in the name of my faith, and that overall, is a path that doesn't expect from me anything less or more than what I'm able or wanting to give.
Not to be politically correct or anything, cause that actually doesn't exist, every religion has acts of faith that shape your path in the right way, but getting obsessed about the right way or the wrong way, makes it just the opposite to the meaning of a religion or a believe that should rule your life.
Faith should be that part of your life that makes it so that you find solace without having to compromise or feel threatened or afraid. It should fill you whole, and leave nothing behind.
Weekly Read & Music - Monday, February 05, 2007
Weekly Read - Feb. 05
Current mood: calm
Category: Writing and Poetry
I'm in the mood for another coffee table book...
A friend of mine gave me for my Birthday one of the installments of a film poster collection by Evergreen Publishers, and collected by Tony Nourmand and Graham Marsh.
He gave me the Horror one, and its just fantastic! Sir Christopher Frayling gives the foreword of this book, and makes for a very useful short story to all of them guys that haven't been initiated into the wonderful world of Horror Films.
I've been a sucker for this genre since I was a child, and have a nack for vintage items, so this book has a lot of what I love. Apreciating the development of the genre through the movie posters is just hillarious and sooo entertaining.
The synopsis of each and every poster makes for a great eye opener of the importance of this movie in particular, they might be great, they might be poor, but they have a significance in history... you might be surprised by what you find in these pages!
Of course, it would be great to have the whole collection, but starting at just one makes for enough if you just want to broad your horizons.
These books are on Amazon, so as usual if you want to check them out you could go there, or your local B&N or Borders to sift through the colorful pages of this collection.
Get reading!
Avi
Currently reading : Horror Poster Art By Tony Nourmand Release date: 01 September, 2004
Weekly Music - Feb. 05
Current mood: calm
Category: Music
Heya guys!
I've decided to move this section to be posted on mondays, since I figured that if I'm sooo tired on a saturday morning, you must be too...lol. So to continue in more eclectic recommendations, I give you a group from my country.
Desorden Público is a well known group from Venezuela (it would be unfair to name a city, since a lot of them come from various parts of the country) that has driven masses around here crazy with their sound for about 20 years now.
They have established themselves as a Ska Band, but mixed with different undertones such as 2-tone, caribbean instruments, jamaican influences, but most of all, they have been known for describing their music and their sound, as organic.
If you have the luck to know your spanish, you know that the name translates into "public disturbance" and they are, in my humble opinion, one of the most important creators of songs that call into the social conscience and the various topics that constantly trouble our continent and beyond.
Most of their productions are very upbeat and party-like, at least to me, without forgetting of their protest lyrics and the deep conscience they put into each song. The latest is Estrellas del Caos (Stars of Chaos) I think is too soon for you to order through Amazon, or something, but earlier works by them are available online.
I do not need to tell you how well known are they outside the barriers of my country, but if you want to know a lot more about this band, I suggest you go to their website: http://www.desordenpublico.net You won't regret it. This is a piece of world music you will apreciate.
The golden Rec of this week goes to Marvin Gaye.
What can you say about him that hasn't been said before?? The romance soundtrack of many movies, it should work right, 'cause his voice is just slow and has this inviting texture that drives people crazy... Don't burn me, I just go by experience...lol
Now seriously, another love child of the Mowtown system, this guy has been the interpreter and author of many songs that have been established as landmarks of an Era. I don't know if I'm an ancient 25 yr old, but I just love songs like: I heard it through the grapevine, How sweet it is to be loved like you, Sexual healing, Let's get it on (known among the younger audiences for being the love song of Mr. Evil in Austin Powers), among others that I won't list here 'cause it would go on and on for ages...
So if you're interested in the 60's - 70's wave, in a guy that wrote excellent songs, that is part of the heart of Soul music, that is one of the all time big sellers of R&B hits, and that of course was inspired in a troubled life, followed by an equally troubled death, then, believe me, Marvin Gaye is your guy.
It's easy, buy the record, download the song, watch the movies, or just go into the world's best known cliff's notes AKA Wikipedia and check out the guy. You can also go to YOUTUBE and check out the old videos.
Hoping to hear from you, like always..., next week, I'll introduce a new short recommendation of new artists, such as the struggling guys that you face everyday around here in MySpace. Some of them are worth the mention.
See you next week!
Avi
Currently listening : Valle De Balas By Desorden Pblico
Current mood: calm
Category: Writing and Poetry
I'm in the mood for another coffee table book...
A friend of mine gave me for my Birthday one of the installments of a film poster collection by Evergreen Publishers, and collected by Tony Nourmand and Graham Marsh.
He gave me the Horror one, and its just fantastic! Sir Christopher Frayling gives the foreword of this book, and makes for a very useful short story to all of them guys that haven't been initiated into the wonderful world of Horror Films.
I've been a sucker for this genre since I was a child, and have a nack for vintage items, so this book has a lot of what I love. Apreciating the development of the genre through the movie posters is just hillarious and sooo entertaining.
The synopsis of each and every poster makes for a great eye opener of the importance of this movie in particular, they might be great, they might be poor, but they have a significance in history... you might be surprised by what you find in these pages!
Of course, it would be great to have the whole collection, but starting at just one makes for enough if you just want to broad your horizons.
These books are on Amazon, so as usual if you want to check them out you could go there, or your local B&N or Borders to sift through the colorful pages of this collection.
Get reading!
Avi
Currently reading : Horror Poster Art By Tony Nourmand Release date: 01 September, 2004
Weekly Music - Feb. 05
Current mood: calm
Category: Music
Heya guys!
I've decided to move this section to be posted on mondays, since I figured that if I'm sooo tired on a saturday morning, you must be too...lol. So to continue in more eclectic recommendations, I give you a group from my country.
Desorden Público is a well known group from Venezuela (it would be unfair to name a city, since a lot of them come from various parts of the country) that has driven masses around here crazy with their sound for about 20 years now.
They have established themselves as a Ska Band, but mixed with different undertones such as 2-tone, caribbean instruments, jamaican influences, but most of all, they have been known for describing their music and their sound, as organic.
If you have the luck to know your spanish, you know that the name translates into "public disturbance" and they are, in my humble opinion, one of the most important creators of songs that call into the social conscience and the various topics that constantly trouble our continent and beyond.
Most of their productions are very upbeat and party-like, at least to me, without forgetting of their protest lyrics and the deep conscience they put into each song. The latest is Estrellas del Caos (Stars of Chaos) I think is too soon for you to order through Amazon, or something, but earlier works by them are available online.
I do not need to tell you how well known are they outside the barriers of my country, but if you want to know a lot more about this band, I suggest you go to their website: http://www.desordenpublico.net You won't regret it. This is a piece of world music you will apreciate.
The golden Rec of this week goes to Marvin Gaye.
What can you say about him that hasn't been said before?? The romance soundtrack of many movies, it should work right, 'cause his voice is just slow and has this inviting texture that drives people crazy... Don't burn me, I just go by experience...lol
Now seriously, another love child of the Mowtown system, this guy has been the interpreter and author of many songs that have been established as landmarks of an Era. I don't know if I'm an ancient 25 yr old, but I just love songs like: I heard it through the grapevine, How sweet it is to be loved like you, Sexual healing, Let's get it on (known among the younger audiences for being the love song of Mr. Evil in Austin Powers), among others that I won't list here 'cause it would go on and on for ages...
So if you're interested in the 60's - 70's wave, in a guy that wrote excellent songs, that is part of the heart of Soul music, that is one of the all time big sellers of R&B hits, and that of course was inspired in a troubled life, followed by an equally troubled death, then, believe me, Marvin Gaye is your guy.
It's easy, buy the record, download the song, watch the movies, or just go into the world's best known cliff's notes AKA Wikipedia and check out the guy. You can also go to YOUTUBE and check out the old videos.
Hoping to hear from you, like always..., next week, I'll introduce a new short recommendation of new artists, such as the struggling guys that you face everyday around here in MySpace. Some of them are worth the mention.
See you next week!
Avi
Currently listening : Valle De Balas By Desorden Pblico
The reviews are back! Weekly Music - Jan. 24
Current mood: accomplished Category: Music
Hey everyone!
After this long break, I decided to take action, and come back to these reviews. Now, now, for all of you who messaged me saying I was quitting, I hope this serves as proof that I won't... lol!
This weeks recommendation is Primal Scream's latest CD... Riot City Blues. I have to say I had listened to some of their prior songs, but really didn't take any interest in even downloading some.
I had the oportunity to produce some promotions for a new series at HBO PLUS called London Live Specials. One of the groups is Primal Scream... I enjoyed this so much, you have no idea!
This is very good rock, the one that makes you all happy and with so much need of banging your head and jump that I almost started doing so in the middle of the editing room... now don't look at me that way... the editor was already jumping in his chair!!
My favorites from this one are Dolls, Country Girl, Nitty Gritty and When the Bomb Drops. This one has a lot of traditional rock & roll sounds, and the girls in the chorus are just great... a voice to enjoy I guess...
If you want to explore this group, the previous releases are more to the electronic side of the rainbow, but very enjoyable.
I owe you the golde rec and the weekly read for this week... but I'll get you nice recs for next week!
Bye bye's
Avi
PS. If you get HBO PLUS, the latin american feed, don't forget to check out LONDON LIVE SPECIALS (Primal Scream & The Killers) on Feb. 16th. 22:00
Currently listening : Riot City Blues By Primal Scream Release date: 22 August, 2006
Hey everyone!
After this long break, I decided to take action, and come back to these reviews. Now, now, for all of you who messaged me saying I was quitting, I hope this serves as proof that I won't... lol!
This weeks recommendation is Primal Scream's latest CD... Riot City Blues. I have to say I had listened to some of their prior songs, but really didn't take any interest in even downloading some.
I had the oportunity to produce some promotions for a new series at HBO PLUS called London Live Specials. One of the groups is Primal Scream... I enjoyed this so much, you have no idea!
This is very good rock, the one that makes you all happy and with so much need of banging your head and jump that I almost started doing so in the middle of the editing room... now don't look at me that way... the editor was already jumping in his chair!!
My favorites from this one are Dolls, Country Girl, Nitty Gritty and When the Bomb Drops. This one has a lot of traditional rock & roll sounds, and the girls in the chorus are just great... a voice to enjoy I guess...
If you want to explore this group, the previous releases are more to the electronic side of the rainbow, but very enjoyable.
I owe you the golde rec and the weekly read for this week... but I'll get you nice recs for next week!
Bye bye's
Avi
PS. If you get HBO PLUS, the latin american feed, don't forget to check out LONDON LIVE SPECIALS (Primal Scream & The Killers) on Feb. 16th. 22:00
Currently listening : Riot City Blues By Primal Scream Release date: 22 August, 2006
Dawn or Dusk - Monday, January 22, 2007
I've learned I'm deaf... and blind. Going around dissmising things that seem of so little importance, and yet, in a matter of days you hear again your very same words and discover that not only are you deaf and blind, ... you have actually forgotten how to listen to your own voice.
I wonder now if I didn't notice important things going on in my life just because I didn't listen enough, or read enough, or just payed enough attention.
I already feel I'm limited enough as it is to add something like this to my long list of things I regret doing sometimes. Right now is too soon to feel as if there's something to learn from said situation.
I go around analyzing myself from dawn to dusk trying to see where is the clue, that telltale thing that guards inside of me and that keeps all the information as for why I feel so clueless, lost in myself.
I wonder now if my life could have been any different if I didn't dismiss important touchstones in my life. Was is for the better or for the worse? Where's that divine justice that we find so little in our lives?
I know is just a corny thing to think about, but unfortunatelly, the choices that we make sometimes without even thinking or noticing that we did, tumble like a snow ball down the hill, crashing into us full force when we realize that... we were just blind, deaf and a little mute too.
Right now I feel as if I'm floating, in a place where I'm not able to move foward or backwards, just here, waiting to hear, waiting to listen, for that something that was said to me before... I think I'm ready to listen this time, I think I know how it sounds, and what it means.
If there's any such thing as a second chance... people should be granted a heads up when you do get it, so in that one more opportunity, we go from dawn til dusk enjoying every minute of light, every change in the wind, every new moment, every new life.
I realized this afternoon, after seeing all of my day pass by my window, that life IS short... that I no longer think that I have all the time in the world to be or have all that I wanted, to grow, to change, to own or to love... My life ain't ending tomorrow, but the rest of my life should be of better use.
I answered today a question "what do you want to do before you die?" and I mean this... I want to live... I want to live my life, and all that it brings, full frontal, big and little, everything about it. I want to stop dodging bullets, and suffering, and pain, and dissapointment, cause even from that, we live. I want to trade every scar I've avoided for each and every wish I've guarded in my heart. I want to live.
The moments between dawn and dusk make your life...
I wonder now if I didn't notice important things going on in my life just because I didn't listen enough, or read enough, or just payed enough attention.
I already feel I'm limited enough as it is to add something like this to my long list of things I regret doing sometimes. Right now is too soon to feel as if there's something to learn from said situation.
I go around analyzing myself from dawn to dusk trying to see where is the clue, that telltale thing that guards inside of me and that keeps all the information as for why I feel so clueless, lost in myself.
I wonder now if my life could have been any different if I didn't dismiss important touchstones in my life. Was is for the better or for the worse? Where's that divine justice that we find so little in our lives?
I know is just a corny thing to think about, but unfortunatelly, the choices that we make sometimes without even thinking or noticing that we did, tumble like a snow ball down the hill, crashing into us full force when we realize that... we were just blind, deaf and a little mute too.
Right now I feel as if I'm floating, in a place where I'm not able to move foward or backwards, just here, waiting to hear, waiting to listen, for that something that was said to me before... I think I'm ready to listen this time, I think I know how it sounds, and what it means.
If there's any such thing as a second chance... people should be granted a heads up when you do get it, so in that one more opportunity, we go from dawn til dusk enjoying every minute of light, every change in the wind, every new moment, every new life.
I realized this afternoon, after seeing all of my day pass by my window, that life IS short... that I no longer think that I have all the time in the world to be or have all that I wanted, to grow, to change, to own or to love... My life ain't ending tomorrow, but the rest of my life should be of better use.
I answered today a question "what do you want to do before you die?" and I mean this... I want to live... I want to live my life, and all that it brings, full frontal, big and little, everything about it. I want to stop dodging bullets, and suffering, and pain, and dissapointment, cause even from that, we live. I want to trade every scar I've avoided for each and every wish I've guarded in my heart. I want to live.
The moments between dawn and dusk make your life...
Birthday low steam - Jan 8th
Category: Blogging
How to overcome a feeling that I guess is embedded in my mind...?
Every year, my B-day comes and goes, leaving a left over taste... somewhere between sweet and, oh so sour. Its not depression over turning older, or a f*** ticking clock that we women have on our minds, or the examination of your past, present and future... Is just this feeling, in the back of my mind, in the middle of my chest that tells me that things just won't go as planned. I can't explain it, I fear my B-day, cause is filled with deception.
I fight it every year, try to come up with different ways to make it different, to celebrate instead of grieving it, to try to turn a dreadful day into something I won't forget ever in my life. Few occasions have worked out, and it wasn't like this year was a terrible deal, I still couldn't manage to dodge the sour left over.
A friend took the time of reminding me why b-days suck so much. In 10 different ways and reasons why in particular my Bday was doomed to begin with. Among other reasons is the date per se, so close to other holidays; the ever growing list of ex friends, the bad economic situation of people, the fact that people go on vacations on these days, etc... and then there's the fact that people just forget how much importance you give to a day, that is meant just for you... and well the other 100.000 people that came into this world the very same day as you did.
I won't change that position; we only get to have one f*** day that people celebrate you. That they celebrate the fact that you're alive, that you share your life with them, that you exist and make this world different, for better or for worse.
But what is the objective of this long rambling? well... none.
I realized in the 25 years I've been living in this world, that only few people are going to realize the importance of this aspect of my life, only my true friends and the people that trully care for me step up to the plate to know me enough to not let go of my hand, to hold me when I'm about to fall and to understand that this solitude is not a choice but a circunstance.
To all of you that remembered, I'll cherish the love you grant me everyday of my life, I'm a lucky girl to have such wonderful people, that even when scarce, fill my heart and the voids that my mind has saved for useless missions.
I luv you all.
Avi
How to overcome a feeling that I guess is embedded in my mind...?
Every year, my B-day comes and goes, leaving a left over taste... somewhere between sweet and, oh so sour. Its not depression over turning older, or a f*** ticking clock that we women have on our minds, or the examination of your past, present and future... Is just this feeling, in the back of my mind, in the middle of my chest that tells me that things just won't go as planned. I can't explain it, I fear my B-day, cause is filled with deception.
I fight it every year, try to come up with different ways to make it different, to celebrate instead of grieving it, to try to turn a dreadful day into something I won't forget ever in my life. Few occasions have worked out, and it wasn't like this year was a terrible deal, I still couldn't manage to dodge the sour left over.
A friend took the time of reminding me why b-days suck so much. In 10 different ways and reasons why in particular my Bday was doomed to begin with. Among other reasons is the date per se, so close to other holidays; the ever growing list of ex friends, the bad economic situation of people, the fact that people go on vacations on these days, etc... and then there's the fact that people just forget how much importance you give to a day, that is meant just for you... and well the other 100.000 people that came into this world the very same day as you did.
I won't change that position; we only get to have one f*** day that people celebrate you. That they celebrate the fact that you're alive, that you share your life with them, that you exist and make this world different, for better or for worse.
But what is the objective of this long rambling? well... none.
I realized in the 25 years I've been living in this world, that only few people are going to realize the importance of this aspect of my life, only my true friends and the people that trully care for me step up to the plate to know me enough to not let go of my hand, to hold me when I'm about to fall and to understand that this solitude is not a choice but a circunstance.
To all of you that remembered, I'll cherish the love you grant me everyday of my life, I'm a lucky girl to have such wonderful people, that even when scarce, fill my heart and the voids that my mind has saved for useless missions.
I luv you all.
Avi
Over rating issues - Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Blogging
Human beings live all of their lives based in expectations... yeah, don't come to me saying that you don't... we all do.
Even in the simplest of situations, we have a small hope of the way a thing is going to develop, is inserted in whatever chip controls our emotions and controls our feelings over things.
We are told over and over again to live, give, act, without expecting anything to be received, done or responded in return; some sort of method of protection from dissapointment, some sort of reasurance for humility, not sure why, but its common knowledge.
There are some cases in which the expectations play such an important part of whatever is going on, that, if in the event of dissapointment, hits harder than possibly the worst feeling you've had so far in your life.
Dissapointment from said expectations are, sometimes, just too hard to face.
Take, for example, this advice from my grandma: "Never believe anyone that tells you that you're pretty or beautiful, you'll be setting yourself up for dissapointment cause they don't mean it, probably motivated by jelaousy or other motives... " In a nutshell, don't trust anyone, don't expect anyone to be true about your assets, and then you won't be dissapointed when it turns out that guy didn't mean it, or the person that complimented you was really after your trust and possibly your job.
I've lived part of my life based in that philosophy. And its sad. I never believed a guy that told me I was beautiful, ...possibly hurting his feelings; never have been comfortable receiving compliments about my work, possibly shutting myself out of greater realities... and so on... in an effort to actually live without expectations.
And that's only a part of it. Now that Christmas is almost gone, and that the season evolves into this frantic desire to share some sort of feelings in more than words but tangible things like presents, trips, etc. the common feeling is that we never do get what we desire or deserve. Given the fact some might put a lot of effort trying to show some love or appretiation, others just sit tight waiting to be served, cause for them, They've worked enough. These are the ones that think that they always deserve EVERYTHING.
I've been troubled from the start. Even just being "christmassy"
I never think I've had a good christmas; if it isn't the presents that were crappy and that showed no knowledge of the things I like, was the fact that every chrstmas seems to be sadder, crappier, distorted, dissolved, and "extremelly unchristmassy"; cause even for me, the one that tries not to have expectations, I can't find it even to feel those basics of the season: to share Love as a sentiment, not material items, with the ones you love.
So expectations over being rewarded with some warm feelings of brotherhood, love, etc, basic expectations like such, don't even those can get fullfilled.
So I come to wonder... should we just expect nothing, like the saying goes, or live a life of giving, trying to educate along the way all the people that don't take a minute to consider what a person might feel the minute that hears, sees or gets whatever has been chosen with such care and detail for them?
Don't get me wrong, just because I've grown tired of crappy presents, it doesn't mean that I don't go into that store and pick exactly what I feel that person would love, more than anything... I just die for that smile and the spark in the eye of that person when they see what they got. Its like everything for me becomes simpler, an issue of innocence, or just that, the basic need of approval, of reasurance that you've done your job nicely and that you actually read that person right.
Is that sometimes people think that they gave enough... but what is enough? should it be enough for me or for you in the receiving end? why should we settle for enough and not aim for greatness? or even so, when it comes to just sharing feelings, and not money, which scarces so much these days, why are we so cheap?
Unfulfilled expectations and the fear of dissapointment have turned and destroyed many relationships, many families, many carreers, some for expecting too much, some for expecting too little.
Expectations, actually, drive our lives... cause we expect love, fortune, rewards in general that we learn from the beginning that we won't get, just because you don't get to have everything in the world, and from then on, we judge everything in our lives with that same principle.
Expectations play a fundamental part of our fear, insecurities, of our drive, of our balance, and of our demisse. I've kid myself saying that that is more important than others knowing me, cause basically, I've also shut myself from others, following said advice from my grandma. Ironic huh?
Sometimes, I just secretly hope for a person that does the very same thing for me... analyze me, study me, and then... fill the expectations that I've hidden not to get hurt... I'm still waiting.
Avi
Category: Blogging
Human beings live all of their lives based in expectations... yeah, don't come to me saying that you don't... we all do.
Even in the simplest of situations, we have a small hope of the way a thing is going to develop, is inserted in whatever chip controls our emotions and controls our feelings over things.
We are told over and over again to live, give, act, without expecting anything to be received, done or responded in return; some sort of method of protection from dissapointment, some sort of reasurance for humility, not sure why, but its common knowledge.
There are some cases in which the expectations play such an important part of whatever is going on, that, if in the event of dissapointment, hits harder than possibly the worst feeling you've had so far in your life.
Dissapointment from said expectations are, sometimes, just too hard to face.
Take, for example, this advice from my grandma: "Never believe anyone that tells you that you're pretty or beautiful, you'll be setting yourself up for dissapointment cause they don't mean it, probably motivated by jelaousy or other motives... " In a nutshell, don't trust anyone, don't expect anyone to be true about your assets, and then you won't be dissapointed when it turns out that guy didn't mean it, or the person that complimented you was really after your trust and possibly your job.
I've lived part of my life based in that philosophy. And its sad. I never believed a guy that told me I was beautiful, ...possibly hurting his feelings; never have been comfortable receiving compliments about my work, possibly shutting myself out of greater realities... and so on... in an effort to actually live without expectations.
And that's only a part of it. Now that Christmas is almost gone, and that the season evolves into this frantic desire to share some sort of feelings in more than words but tangible things like presents, trips, etc. the common feeling is that we never do get what we desire or deserve. Given the fact some might put a lot of effort trying to show some love or appretiation, others just sit tight waiting to be served, cause for them, They've worked enough. These are the ones that think that they always deserve EVERYTHING.
I've been troubled from the start. Even just being "christmassy"
I never think I've had a good christmas; if it isn't the presents that were crappy and that showed no knowledge of the things I like, was the fact that every chrstmas seems to be sadder, crappier, distorted, dissolved, and "extremelly unchristmassy"; cause even for me, the one that tries not to have expectations, I can't find it even to feel those basics of the season: to share Love as a sentiment, not material items, with the ones you love.
So expectations over being rewarded with some warm feelings of brotherhood, love, etc, basic expectations like such, don't even those can get fullfilled.
So I come to wonder... should we just expect nothing, like the saying goes, or live a life of giving, trying to educate along the way all the people that don't take a minute to consider what a person might feel the minute that hears, sees or gets whatever has been chosen with such care and detail for them?
Don't get me wrong, just because I've grown tired of crappy presents, it doesn't mean that I don't go into that store and pick exactly what I feel that person would love, more than anything... I just die for that smile and the spark in the eye of that person when they see what they got. Its like everything for me becomes simpler, an issue of innocence, or just that, the basic need of approval, of reasurance that you've done your job nicely and that you actually read that person right.
Is that sometimes people think that they gave enough... but what is enough? should it be enough for me or for you in the receiving end? why should we settle for enough and not aim for greatness? or even so, when it comes to just sharing feelings, and not money, which scarces so much these days, why are we so cheap?
Unfulfilled expectations and the fear of dissapointment have turned and destroyed many relationships, many families, many carreers, some for expecting too much, some for expecting too little.
Expectations, actually, drive our lives... cause we expect love, fortune, rewards in general that we learn from the beginning that we won't get, just because you don't get to have everything in the world, and from then on, we judge everything in our lives with that same principle.
Expectations play a fundamental part of our fear, insecurities, of our drive, of our balance, and of our demisse. I've kid myself saying that that is more important than others knowing me, cause basically, I've also shut myself from others, following said advice from my grandma. Ironic huh?
Sometimes, I just secretly hope for a person that does the very same thing for me... analyze me, study me, and then... fill the expectations that I've hidden not to get hurt... I'm still waiting.
Avi
Monday, December 25, 2006
Dec. 25th Read!
Current mood: creative
Continuing with my holiday recommendations, this time I'll give you a title that might be out of targetif you're a grown up, but so good if you're looking for a good gift for a child or a preteen.
Enid Mary Blyton is one of my favorite children's authors. I think I read most of the Five Find-Outers adventures, a series of adventure stories that tell the crazy happenings of a group of friends and their curious dog.
It makes for a good gift for an imaginative kid, introduce them to reading, which is always a good investment in the future.
I personally recommend Mistery of the Secret Room which is one of the first I read about 17 years ago.
I hope that if you do come across one of these, even in your local library you give it some space and enjoy it... it goes by in a second!
Bye bye, and Happy Holidays!
Currently reading : The Mystery of the Secret Room (Mysteries) By Enid Blyton Release date: 01 January, 2003
Dec. 25th. Music!
Current mood: content
Category: Music
Hey everyone!!!
First of all, Merry Christmas!!!
I know, ages do not suffy to all the time I've been away, but I intent to recuperate and get on track again with my regular sections and some general reading for all of you faithful.
So to get right to the point, my first musical recommendation, and probably one of the lasts of the year is Snow Patrol. The Eyes Open CD/DVD is great!! I got this as a christmas present at my office, and its a treat. First of all the presentation is cool, includes a booklet with some very cool pictures from them behind the scenes, and both cd and dvd.
The music, if you know Snow Patrol is still great, if you do not, You'll like it, especially if you're in the mood for some soul reaching rock.
I love the strings in this one, and my favorite songs in the cd are You're all I have, Hands Open, Open Your eyes, and Shut your eyes... of course, Chasing cars is very famous, with the Grammy nomination and all.
The golden one for this recommendation edition is Billie Holiday.
I decided to talk you into her since I mentioned her song Strange Fruit in my last blog. This time I won't recommend an specific album, but to experience her songs in general.
For you that haven't come across this wonderful woman's voice, you better start educating yourselves!! Even reading about her story is heartbreaking. Her songs come not far, filled with melancholy, and that touch of nostalgia that I personally love. I'm a sucker for the old times.
She's also popular for colaborations with very famous singers such as Benny Goodman, Artie Shaw and of course, Louis Armstrong.
Well, hoping you have a good one and that you buy some interesting music and share, I'll see you a next time!
Avi
Currently listening : Eyes Open By Snow Patrol Release date: 04 May, 2006
Current mood: creative
Continuing with my holiday recommendations, this time I'll give you a title that might be out of targetif you're a grown up, but so good if you're looking for a good gift for a child or a preteen.
Enid Mary Blyton is one of my favorite children's authors. I think I read most of the Five Find-Outers adventures, a series of adventure stories that tell the crazy happenings of a group of friends and their curious dog.
It makes for a good gift for an imaginative kid, introduce them to reading, which is always a good investment in the future.
I personally recommend Mistery of the Secret Room which is one of the first I read about 17 years ago.
I hope that if you do come across one of these, even in your local library you give it some space and enjoy it... it goes by in a second!
Bye bye, and Happy Holidays!
Currently reading : The Mystery of the Secret Room (Mysteries) By Enid Blyton Release date: 01 January, 2003
Dec. 25th. Music!
Current mood: content
Category: Music
Hey everyone!!!
First of all, Merry Christmas!!!
I know, ages do not suffy to all the time I've been away, but I intent to recuperate and get on track again with my regular sections and some general reading for all of you faithful.
So to get right to the point, my first musical recommendation, and probably one of the lasts of the year is Snow Patrol. The Eyes Open CD/DVD is great!! I got this as a christmas present at my office, and its a treat. First of all the presentation is cool, includes a booklet with some very cool pictures from them behind the scenes, and both cd and dvd.
The music, if you know Snow Patrol is still great, if you do not, You'll like it, especially if you're in the mood for some soul reaching rock.
I love the strings in this one, and my favorite songs in the cd are You're all I have, Hands Open, Open Your eyes, and Shut your eyes... of course, Chasing cars is very famous, with the Grammy nomination and all.
The golden one for this recommendation edition is Billie Holiday.
I decided to talk you into her since I mentioned her song Strange Fruit in my last blog. This time I won't recommend an specific album, but to experience her songs in general.
For you that haven't come across this wonderful woman's voice, you better start educating yourselves!! Even reading about her story is heartbreaking. Her songs come not far, filled with melancholy, and that touch of nostalgia that I personally love. I'm a sucker for the old times.
She's also popular for colaborations with very famous singers such as Benny Goodman, Artie Shaw and of course, Louis Armstrong.
Well, hoping you have a good one and that you buy some interesting music and share, I'll see you a next time!
Avi
Currently listening : Eyes Open By Snow Patrol Release date: 04 May, 2006
Oh My God Real LIFE!! - Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Hey Guys sorry I haven't posted in such a long time, but I've been going thru some real life issues, like moving to a new apartment that doent have a phone or internet service....and being really busy at work so... I'll be trying to post some rec's in the rest of the week, hopefully!
so... see you soon, and thanks for all of your messages, I'm fine really just a little too busy and incommunicado... lol
Bye
Avita
so... see you soon, and thanks for all of your messages, I'm fine really just a little too busy and incommunicado... lol
Bye
Avita
Weekly Read - Nov 18th
Current mood: blah
Category: Writing and Poetry
See I'm moving to a new apartment now... brand new, it doesn't even have lamps or light switches, and I don't have furniture besides my bed and my fridge so... even when so out of character for this section, this book came in handy when trying to find an orientation in my new challenge.
New York Style by the series Icons from Tashen, is a compilation of pictures from well known scenaries and beautiful lofts from New York City. It gives for a great reference towards decorating or exploring the shabby chic, the urban deco, as it says, the New York Style, that we all know is just unique.
Even if you don't need it for a project or something its always good to have around, just for a coffee table book; the compilation is very interesting, the pictures unbelievable.
I believe is available in most of the bookstores everywhere, but you can find it through amazon too.
Currently reading : New York Style (Icons) By Christiane Reiter Release date: 09 March, 2006
Category: Writing and Poetry
See I'm moving to a new apartment now... brand new, it doesn't even have lamps or light switches, and I don't have furniture besides my bed and my fridge so... even when so out of character for this section, this book came in handy when trying to find an orientation in my new challenge.
New York Style by the series Icons from Tashen, is a compilation of pictures from well known scenaries and beautiful lofts from New York City. It gives for a great reference towards decorating or exploring the shabby chic, the urban deco, as it says, the New York Style, that we all know is just unique.
Even if you don't need it for a project or something its always good to have around, just for a coffee table book; the compilation is very interesting, the pictures unbelievable.
I believe is available in most of the bookstores everywhere, but you can find it through amazon too.
Currently reading : New York Style (Icons) By Christiane Reiter Release date: 09 March, 2006
Weekly Music - Nov. 18th
Current mood: thankful
Category: Music
Hey everyone...
I don't usually recommend soundtracks in this section, but the ones like this one are just too good not to be suggested!
Baraka is, in my humble opinion, one of the greatest documentaries in history, and its music is not far from less. Most of the songs are inspired in oriental sounds and tribal chants, almost ethereal, transcendental, unique, simply perfect.
The thing with soundtracks is that when they're good, they move, create atmospheres, and if you enjoy them makes for a good exercise, a mental one that is. Everytime I listen to it, I just travel somewhere else away from all the madness.
If you can get your hands on this cd, steal it, buy it, just own it! And if you can get the movie too, its just perfect!
The goldie one for this week... one of my old time favs.
Nina Simone is the most passionate singer I've heard so far. I discovered her through a recommendation, so I hope you discover her as well if you haven't yet.
Besides all the story behind her persona, which is very impressive, she's one hell of a singer that refused to be categorized. She had a wide range of styles to pick from everytime she created.
You've probably heard her, since her songs have been feattured in a countless number of films and commercials and many of her songs have been sampled by other artists such as Mary J. Blige and Kanye West; you've probably wondered what was that beautiful voice on the speakers and forgot about her later, so give it a chance this time.
Right now the song that comes to my mind is Strange Fruit, originally sang by another one of my favorites, Billie Holiday. But if you're in a chirpier mood than this deep longing, I recommend to you songs as I put a spell on you, Feeling Good, and Don't let me be missunderstood.
You know the drill...Have a wonderful weekend!
Avi
Currently listening : Baraka: Music From The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack By Michael Stearns Release date: 24 August, 1993
Category: Music
Hey everyone...
I don't usually recommend soundtracks in this section, but the ones like this one are just too good not to be suggested!
Baraka is, in my humble opinion, one of the greatest documentaries in history, and its music is not far from less. Most of the songs are inspired in oriental sounds and tribal chants, almost ethereal, transcendental, unique, simply perfect.
The thing with soundtracks is that when they're good, they move, create atmospheres, and if you enjoy them makes for a good exercise, a mental one that is. Everytime I listen to it, I just travel somewhere else away from all the madness.
If you can get your hands on this cd, steal it, buy it, just own it! And if you can get the movie too, its just perfect!
The goldie one for this week... one of my old time favs.
Nina Simone is the most passionate singer I've heard so far. I discovered her through a recommendation, so I hope you discover her as well if you haven't yet.
Besides all the story behind her persona, which is very impressive, she's one hell of a singer that refused to be categorized. She had a wide range of styles to pick from everytime she created.
You've probably heard her, since her songs have been feattured in a countless number of films and commercials and many of her songs have been sampled by other artists such as Mary J. Blige and Kanye West; you've probably wondered what was that beautiful voice on the speakers and forgot about her later, so give it a chance this time.
Right now the song that comes to my mind is Strange Fruit, originally sang by another one of my favorites, Billie Holiday. But if you're in a chirpier mood than this deep longing, I recommend to you songs as I put a spell on you, Feeling Good, and Don't let me be missunderstood.
You know the drill...Have a wonderful weekend!
Avi
Currently listening : Baraka: Music From The Original Motion Picture Soundtrack By Michael Stearns Release date: 24 August, 1993
Weekly Read & Music - Saturday, November 11, 2006
Weekly Read - Nov. 11th
Category: Writing and Poetry
Thanks to all the new readers of this section for your comments!
This is my recommendation for this week, Nov. 11th.
Cronica de una Muerte Anunciada is a 1981 novel by Nobel Prize Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
This is sort of a police novel, combined with the element that has been the signature mark of Garcia Marquez; the magical realism. Based on a true story, he plays with all the characters without faultering to the reality of the journalistic cronicle he intends to do.
The topic: a wedding story gone wrong and what a family must do to keep the honor. It might sound naive, but none of the novels writen by this author seem so. With more than 30 novels and works under his belt, his works are some of the most entertaining and well writen of the literary world nowadays.
Give it a chance if you haven't yet and try some new thing for a change.
Avi
Currently reading : Cronica de una muerte anunciada By Gabriel Garcia Marquez Release date: 07 October, 2003
Weekly Music - Nov. 11th
Hey guys!
Continuing on my domestic recommendations, here's mine for this week.
Los Amigos Invisibles (The invisible friends) is a funk/kitsch/pop band from Caracas, Venezuela. Their name is inspired on a popular cultural tv program from the eighties around here, called Human Values, and they mix local sounds and likes into their songs.
Its a popular band around here, specially because its THE PARTY BAND; they are famous for non stop sets that drive everyone crazy. Its a lot of dancing, singing and laughter 'cause their songs aren't just the typical love song, they push into the funny part of life, relationships...even zits! yeah, zits...
I guess they just reflect the venezuelan personality over everything.
All of their cds have been in the top position in Venezuela, and latelly they have been invited to events such as Latin American Idol and have opened for artists such as Jamiroquai. You can find all of thier cds on Amazon and other retaileirs. I recommend them all, you'll get a playful taste of whats to be a Venezuelan.
The Golden Rec of this week is Tommy Dorsey. This is the kind of sentimental music that often reminds us of WWII, and the nostalgia over old americana. This jazz trobonist is a signature item in the big band era. I dunno about you, but big bands put me in a good mood sometimes.
I found a great compilation the other day browsing thruogh amazon, The Sentimental Gentleman of Swing: Centennial Collection. Its a great quality, fair price collection. Just listening to these song are just too great of a soul encounter.
I know that sometimes I get too focussed on the 40's - 50's so next week I'll be trying something a little bit newer...hehehe
Hope you have fun experimenting.
Avi
Currently listening : The New Sound of the Venezuelan Gozadera By Los Amigos Invisibles Release date: 28 March, 2000
Category: Writing and Poetry
Thanks to all the new readers of this section for your comments!
This is my recommendation for this week, Nov. 11th.
Cronica de una Muerte Anunciada is a 1981 novel by Nobel Prize Gabriel Garcia Marquez.
This is sort of a police novel, combined with the element that has been the signature mark of Garcia Marquez; the magical realism. Based on a true story, he plays with all the characters without faultering to the reality of the journalistic cronicle he intends to do.
The topic: a wedding story gone wrong and what a family must do to keep the honor. It might sound naive, but none of the novels writen by this author seem so. With more than 30 novels and works under his belt, his works are some of the most entertaining and well writen of the literary world nowadays.
Give it a chance if you haven't yet and try some new thing for a change.
Avi
Currently reading : Cronica de una muerte anunciada By Gabriel Garcia Marquez Release date: 07 October, 2003
Weekly Music - Nov. 11th
Hey guys!
Continuing on my domestic recommendations, here's mine for this week.
Los Amigos Invisibles (The invisible friends) is a funk/kitsch/pop band from Caracas, Venezuela. Their name is inspired on a popular cultural tv program from the eighties around here, called Human Values, and they mix local sounds and likes into their songs.
Its a popular band around here, specially because its THE PARTY BAND; they are famous for non stop sets that drive everyone crazy. Its a lot of dancing, singing and laughter 'cause their songs aren't just the typical love song, they push into the funny part of life, relationships...even zits! yeah, zits...
I guess they just reflect the venezuelan personality over everything.
All of their cds have been in the top position in Venezuela, and latelly they have been invited to events such as Latin American Idol and have opened for artists such as Jamiroquai. You can find all of thier cds on Amazon and other retaileirs. I recommend them all, you'll get a playful taste of whats to be a Venezuelan.
The Golden Rec of this week is Tommy Dorsey. This is the kind of sentimental music that often reminds us of WWII, and the nostalgia over old americana. This jazz trobonist is a signature item in the big band era. I dunno about you, but big bands put me in a good mood sometimes.
I found a great compilation the other day browsing thruogh amazon, The Sentimental Gentleman of Swing: Centennial Collection. Its a great quality, fair price collection. Just listening to these song are just too great of a soul encounter.
I know that sometimes I get too focussed on the 40's - 50's so next week I'll be trying something a little bit newer...hehehe
Hope you have fun experimenting.
Avi
Currently listening : The New Sound of the Venezuelan Gozadera By Los Amigos Invisibles Release date: 28 March, 2000
ash - Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Ash...?
I thought I heard you...
but then I recalled that you're gone.
Even though I know you are around me
I'm too used to talk to people with a face.
I wonder what its like to not live at this level...
People say that there's a hellI don't think so...
I believe at life in many levels
and I sure think that I live in the lowest one.
I have to face everyday the demons in my mind
that tell me that I'm simply not enough;
not enough, not even to be a human.
I laugh, they think they can beat me
I sometimes fear they try too hard and win.
I wish there could be a phone to call you
but I guess my mind is supposed to be it...
if only it wasn't broken...
I've come to think that I should call someone from the phone company...
You outgha think that I lost it...
Maybe its true
is that ever since you left
I have no body I live in a house with no doors and no windows
I don't even know how I got here.
You know, Ash,
even though I miss you´
there are so many things I can do better without you,
Like...Breathing, imagening, talking, moving
if only there was someone else
who could see me.
The thing is that
if nobody is around...how am I supposed to know I'm alive?
when I don't even know how not to think of you?
You may say
what's wrong with you?
is that with you around at least I moved
at least to fight and hit you as hard as I could.
And then, after I begin feeling tired
there is a sensation in the back of my throat
that tastes like remorse
maybe I shouldn't have hit you that hard that time...
The demons again
their voices sound like yours
I'm beginning to think that is you
haunting me from your grave.
And that's a grave that doesn't even exists
'cause, how the hell was I supposed to build it?
I sure can't be any goodnot alive, not even dead.
I hear the steps outside
and suddenly it starts to rain inside
I wonder how can that be possible...
I guess is you, getting on my nerves again.
The vanishing fog, surrounding me
but I can't see it that easily now
it seems like its part of me now
almost everything its part of me now.
In the mean time,
I distract them over negotiations
I manage to keep them of my mind
confussing them with my thoughts.
To think that I was afraid of them...!
all my life, I was scared of what would happen,
I guess it isn't at all as I supposed...
Its worse, but I can handle it.
In the few conversations with you...
and consider this my most important and last question...
Why did you kill me?
I thought I heard you...
but then I recalled that you're gone.
Even though I know you are around me
I'm too used to talk to people with a face.
I wonder what its like to not live at this level...
People say that there's a hellI don't think so...
I believe at life in many levels
and I sure think that I live in the lowest one.
I have to face everyday the demons in my mind
that tell me that I'm simply not enough;
not enough, not even to be a human.
I laugh, they think they can beat me
I sometimes fear they try too hard and win.
I wish there could be a phone to call you
but I guess my mind is supposed to be it...
if only it wasn't broken...
I've come to think that I should call someone from the phone company...
You outgha think that I lost it...
Maybe its true
is that ever since you left
I have no body I live in a house with no doors and no windows
I don't even know how I got here.
You know, Ash,
even though I miss you´
there are so many things I can do better without you,
Like...Breathing, imagening, talking, moving
if only there was someone else
who could see me.
The thing is that
if nobody is around...how am I supposed to know I'm alive?
when I don't even know how not to think of you?
You may say
what's wrong with you?
is that with you around at least I moved
at least to fight and hit you as hard as I could.
And then, after I begin feeling tired
there is a sensation in the back of my throat
that tastes like remorse
maybe I shouldn't have hit you that hard that time...
The demons again
their voices sound like yours
I'm beginning to think that is you
haunting me from your grave.
And that's a grave that doesn't even exists
'cause, how the hell was I supposed to build it?
I sure can't be any goodnot alive, not even dead.
I hear the steps outside
and suddenly it starts to rain inside
I wonder how can that be possible...
I guess is you, getting on my nerves again.
The vanishing fog, surrounding me
but I can't see it that easily now
it seems like its part of me now
almost everything its part of me now.
In the mean time,
I distract them over negotiations
I manage to keep them of my mind
confussing them with my thoughts.
To think that I was afraid of them...!
all my life, I was scared of what would happen,
I guess it isn't at all as I supposed...
Its worse, but I can handle it.
In the few conversations with you...
and consider this my most important and last question...
Why did you kill me?
December 6, 2007
Sin To Feel
a touch,
the soft and tender caress of sweet love
the strong and brave pulse of need
the warm and wild instinct at its bloom.
a sigh,
the misleaded sign of tiredness
the unbearable breath of passion
the shinning clue of contentment.
your touch,
the only thing that makes me shiver
the strongest reason for living
the burning sensation of you.
your sigh,
brings me to tender memories
takes me to the spot
of loving you for the clear sounds of your soul.
when you touch me,
you transmit your feelings to my skin
crawling into my heart
transporting me to a higher state.
when you breathe me,
I hope that you can smell the happiness in me
I pray that my love can flow through the air
and beyond the physical walls often built around us.
when I touch you
I want to make you feel how much I want you
I want to let my senses take over
and feel the velvet that covers your deepest secret.
when I breathe you,
I want to take in all of your essence
to breathe all of your life
and paint it in my memory for good.
to touch us, to breathe us,
takes more than life itself
to build inside us
what makes us humans and deities at the same time...
True, unforgetable, and infinite love.
the soft and tender caress of sweet love
the strong and brave pulse of need
the warm and wild instinct at its bloom.
a sigh,
the misleaded sign of tiredness
the unbearable breath of passion
the shinning clue of contentment.
your touch,
the only thing that makes me shiver
the strongest reason for living
the burning sensation of you.
your sigh,
brings me to tender memories
takes me to the spot
of loving you for the clear sounds of your soul.
when you touch me,
you transmit your feelings to my skin
crawling into my heart
transporting me to a higher state.
when you breathe me,
I hope that you can smell the happiness in me
I pray that my love can flow through the air
and beyond the physical walls often built around us.
when I touch you
I want to make you feel how much I want you
I want to let my senses take over
and feel the velvet that covers your deepest secret.
when I breathe you,
I want to take in all of your essence
to breathe all of your life
and paint it in my memory for good.
to touch us, to breathe us,
takes more than life itself
to build inside us
what makes us humans and deities at the same time...
True, unforgetable, and infinite love.
Missed Walls... or the reachable way to remain - Saturday, November 04, 2006
Current mood: bored
I wonder about distance.
That element that plays with you..., I've told you before… pulling from your legs, distracting you, making you long for that something you don't have at hand's reach… distance that makes you miss, distance that makes you long, distance that makes you hurt and scream and cry, because is like a wall, keeping you apart, keeping you staring at it, like a big, bad, boss, telling you all the reasons why you can't even dream of tearing it down.
That.
A big wall.
I don't think I deal very well with distance…
Is that sometimes distance is not physical; is that element that separates us from one point to the other, from one conception to the other, from beliefs, from feelings, from desires, from all that is dear or wanted by us, that life conveniently keeps from us, maybe because we have to learn something, just to be prepared to enjoy "that" that we want so much.
If it only were so easy.
Mental distance, I think, makes the worse enemy you can ever encounter. Plane tickets you can buy, but to set people in the same page requires more than some can handle. I'm happy 'cause some of that distance that keeps me is a real sea, and not a sea of thoughts.
To miss something still existent but away, is still tolerable and bearable… to miss something you can never get back… now you're talking.
Today I walked the halls you used to own, with your screams, and laughter… you owned full halls of happy people that praised your voice, that admired your knowledge, and that over all, trusted.
You're one of those that won't conquer that distance, 'cause you're gone. And almost hearing you by my side, makes it no better.
Those halls are still yours, they still smell of stale cigarette smoke with a hint of coffee; and people, even though they don't sound the same, now they understand the mental distance that kept you from staying with us.
You had decided to walk… and just kept on going.
That's a wall that's never coming down.
Some other distances keep me from treasures… some I own, and gave some liberty to walk… some I don't, I still have to conquer those. You know what you are... simply there, always, the cool, relaxed, centered, that always said that her friends are a fruity combination of crazy…, and as deranged as it sounds, I don't blame you for fleeing… I wish I could do the same… as for this, the only thing I own and that will forever be mine, I give my words every now and then to remain friends, confidants and stars. The ones that will always be, and always understand, in this part of my life that only you kind of get.
I'll pray for this distance to remain only physical, only a plane ride away, only a phone call away, only material stuff away…
The other walls should be studied for better examination.
I wonder about distance.
That element that plays with you..., I've told you before… pulling from your legs, distracting you, making you long for that something you don't have at hand's reach… distance that makes you miss, distance that makes you long, distance that makes you hurt and scream and cry, because is like a wall, keeping you apart, keeping you staring at it, like a big, bad, boss, telling you all the reasons why you can't even dream of tearing it down.
That.
A big wall.
I don't think I deal very well with distance…
Is that sometimes distance is not physical; is that element that separates us from one point to the other, from one conception to the other, from beliefs, from feelings, from desires, from all that is dear or wanted by us, that life conveniently keeps from us, maybe because we have to learn something, just to be prepared to enjoy "that" that we want so much.
If it only were so easy.
Mental distance, I think, makes the worse enemy you can ever encounter. Plane tickets you can buy, but to set people in the same page requires more than some can handle. I'm happy 'cause some of that distance that keeps me is a real sea, and not a sea of thoughts.
To miss something still existent but away, is still tolerable and bearable… to miss something you can never get back… now you're talking.
Today I walked the halls you used to own, with your screams, and laughter… you owned full halls of happy people that praised your voice, that admired your knowledge, and that over all, trusted.
You're one of those that won't conquer that distance, 'cause you're gone. And almost hearing you by my side, makes it no better.
Those halls are still yours, they still smell of stale cigarette smoke with a hint of coffee; and people, even though they don't sound the same, now they understand the mental distance that kept you from staying with us.
You had decided to walk… and just kept on going.
That's a wall that's never coming down.
Some other distances keep me from treasures… some I own, and gave some liberty to walk… some I don't, I still have to conquer those. You know what you are... simply there, always, the cool, relaxed, centered, that always said that her friends are a fruity combination of crazy…, and as deranged as it sounds, I don't blame you for fleeing… I wish I could do the same… as for this, the only thing I own and that will forever be mine, I give my words every now and then to remain friends, confidants and stars. The ones that will always be, and always understand, in this part of my life that only you kind of get.
I'll pray for this distance to remain only physical, only a plane ride away, only a phone call away, only material stuff away…
The other walls should be studied for better examination.
Weekly Music - Nov. 4th
Current mood: curious
Category: Music
This week I'm going to review something from my country for a change. Now don't be scared, we have lots of better things than bad politics, and that's things like Masseratti 2Lts.
This is an electronic chillout group, focused on the down tempo, mixed by 2 twin brothers that live appart, one in France and the other here in Venezuela. They've combined numbers of beats, sounds and elements to make one amazing chillout collection, thanks to the music and styles they have been exposed to in the different countries they live.
Latelly, they combined folk sounds from Venezuela and some very interesting mixes that set a great mood. If you're wondering what good does it make to recommend something from here that's probably unavailable to people abroad... well let me tell you that you can get almost all of their cds in ITunes, CD Baby and some on Amazon.
This week "Golden Rec" is Miles Davis' Kind of Blue. I don't think this record needs any introduction what-so-ever... But well, there are some that haven't been fortunate enough to face this music.
This one is THE JAZZ RECORD from the get-go. Miles Davis is simply great, and his performance is flawless considering this was recorded in almost 2 shots by song... amazing, huh? John Coltrane is the tenor saxophone, so you can pretty much know that this is great music.
My favorite tracks are "So What?" and "Flamenco Sketches", the last one has been re-released in a reissue in 1997 that is great as well. If you're a fan of jazz music like me, you probably already own this, if not... all of you my darling readers, go ahead, you know what to do...
See you next week!
Avi
Currently listening : Exposicion Verano-Verano By Masseratti 2lts Release date: 06 June, 2006
Category: Music
This week I'm going to review something from my country for a change. Now don't be scared, we have lots of better things than bad politics, and that's things like Masseratti 2Lts.
This is an electronic chillout group, focused on the down tempo, mixed by 2 twin brothers that live appart, one in France and the other here in Venezuela. They've combined numbers of beats, sounds and elements to make one amazing chillout collection, thanks to the music and styles they have been exposed to in the different countries they live.
Latelly, they combined folk sounds from Venezuela and some very interesting mixes that set a great mood. If you're wondering what good does it make to recommend something from here that's probably unavailable to people abroad... well let me tell you that you can get almost all of their cds in ITunes, CD Baby and some on Amazon.
This week "Golden Rec" is Miles Davis' Kind of Blue. I don't think this record needs any introduction what-so-ever... But well, there are some that haven't been fortunate enough to face this music.
This one is THE JAZZ RECORD from the get-go. Miles Davis is simply great, and his performance is flawless considering this was recorded in almost 2 shots by song... amazing, huh? John Coltrane is the tenor saxophone, so you can pretty much know that this is great music.
My favorite tracks are "So What?" and "Flamenco Sketches", the last one has been re-released in a reissue in 1997 that is great as well. If you're a fan of jazz music like me, you probably already own this, if not... all of you my darling readers, go ahead, you know what to do...
See you next week!
Avi
Currently listening : Exposicion Verano-Verano By Masseratti 2lts Release date: 06 June, 2006
Weekly Read - Nov. 04 - Saturday, November 04, 2006
Current mood: content
Category: Travel and Places
To all of you that have been enjoying this section, thanks so much for the emails!
Nov. 4th Weekly Read for all of you faithful readers!
Sophie's World, by Jostein Gaarder is, I think, one of the most amusing books I've read in my life. This may be because, I admit it, I have an inner geek that struggles to get out every now and then, but this book is really something.
I'm a fan of Gaarder, I must say, and this was my first book from him. And having read it more than 7 times, I can't do any less than recommend it to you. It makes a great way of introducing young minds to such dense subjects that often scare you and them away.
Thanks to the adventures of Sophie Amundsen, the reader learns with her the true meaning of many philosophical teories, from the very beginning of philosophy... call it Plato for Dummies, but it goes beyond that... its an suspense adventure, with a little brain in it.
I wouldn't call it a novel and its not entirely a light read, it has more than 500 pages, depending on the edition, filled with anything you can imagine and you ever wondered about the human study of himself. Is not the regular story, and the end couldn't be any more ... surreal... or amazing.
I recommend you pick it up and give it a bite... read some and chew slowly on it, believe me a lot of things that happen everyday in your life will begin to have some sense or explanation...hehehe.
Hope you give it a chance and enjoy it!
Avi
Currently reading : Sophie's World: A Novel about the History of Philosophy By Jostein Gaarder Release date: 01 March, 1996
Category: Travel and Places
To all of you that have been enjoying this section, thanks so much for the emails!
Nov. 4th Weekly Read for all of you faithful readers!
Sophie's World, by Jostein Gaarder is, I think, one of the most amusing books I've read in my life. This may be because, I admit it, I have an inner geek that struggles to get out every now and then, but this book is really something.
I'm a fan of Gaarder, I must say, and this was my first book from him. And having read it more than 7 times, I can't do any less than recommend it to you. It makes a great way of introducing young minds to such dense subjects that often scare you and them away.
Thanks to the adventures of Sophie Amundsen, the reader learns with her the true meaning of many philosophical teories, from the very beginning of philosophy... call it Plato for Dummies, but it goes beyond that... its an suspense adventure, with a little brain in it.
I wouldn't call it a novel and its not entirely a light read, it has more than 500 pages, depending on the edition, filled with anything you can imagine and you ever wondered about the human study of himself. Is not the regular story, and the end couldn't be any more ... surreal... or amazing.
I recommend you pick it up and give it a bite... read some and chew slowly on it, believe me a lot of things that happen everyday in your life will begin to have some sense or explanation...hehehe.
Hope you give it a chance and enjoy it!
Avi
Currently reading : Sophie's World: A Novel about the History of Philosophy By Jostein Gaarder Release date: 01 March, 1996
Weekly Read & Listen -Saturday, October 28, 2006
Weekly Read - Oct. 28
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
Charles Baudelaire is one of my favorite french poets of all time. Most of us faced him in High School, and for the lucky ones, it probably changed your life just a little bit.
I recommend you my favorite, Les Fleurs du Mal (The Flowers of Evil). The book is divided in 5 sections: Spleen et Idéal (Spleen and Ideal),Fleurs du mal (Flowers of Evil), Révolte (Revolt), Le Vin (Wine) & La Mort (Death).
You should know that this book was of great importance to the symbolist and modernist movement, because of the great images that the poems evoke, filled with mistery, decadency and eroticism.
My favorite parts are Flowers of evil and Death, and even now it shows you how even if you think how advanced we are, and how technology has changed us, even when we might feel different, we still are the very same people all the time.
I won't go on so I won't influence your opinion on these poems, enjoy them and let me know what you thought of them!
Avi
Currently reading : Les Fleurs Du Mal By Charles Baudelaire Release date: October, 1985
Weekly Music - Oct.28
Current mood: calm
Category: Music
Hey everyone... Weekly music recommendation for all of you...This week I decided I'm gonna do something different; besides not only including one more recommendation, I'm gonna add some news. Let's see how it works for me in the following weeks and if you enjoy it, I'll keep it up.
My first recomendation of the week is Chapter V, by Staind. This rock band has managed to score some big points on the charts in the past, being named best selling band, and this is no different. I already know most of the lyrics to the songs, they fit most moods, not all of them alright, I won't fool you. This 2005 production has great tracks like Run Away, Right Here & Everything Changes. If you haven't already, give it a spin, the worst thing can happen is that you don't like it, huh? Thanks Jason for reminding me of them, I'm hooked again!
Now, my second recommendation, and part of the new section of this, hehe, section, is gonna be what I should call the "Golden Rec" of the week. Today is gonna be Ella Fitzgerald's The Last Decca Years 1949 - 1954. This great compilation that unfortunatelly I do not have the privilege to own, but have enjoyed widely thanks to a friend of mine, it has a great mix of classic jazz & swing songs, and of course the beautiful voice of Ella. Great for dancing and just chilling out if you want, if you find it somewhere, buy it... is a great addition to a respectable collection.
On the news front, well some of you already know there's a new and first Latin American Idol, and even though some of you might discard the idea of a reality show popping out respectable singers, in the positive spirit of a friend of mine, let's support them. I did and our very own, Mayré Martinez is the first Latin American Idol. She's got a powerful voice, great technique and now the opportunity to offer us a new proposal... So, let's patiently wait for that to happen.
Hoping you have fun experimenting with my choices, see you next week!
Avi
Currently listening : Chapter V By Staind Release date: 09 August, 2005
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
Charles Baudelaire is one of my favorite french poets of all time. Most of us faced him in High School, and for the lucky ones, it probably changed your life just a little bit.
I recommend you my favorite, Les Fleurs du Mal (The Flowers of Evil). The book is divided in 5 sections: Spleen et Idéal (Spleen and Ideal),Fleurs du mal (Flowers of Evil), Révolte (Revolt), Le Vin (Wine) & La Mort (Death).
You should know that this book was of great importance to the symbolist and modernist movement, because of the great images that the poems evoke, filled with mistery, decadency and eroticism.
My favorite parts are Flowers of evil and Death, and even now it shows you how even if you think how advanced we are, and how technology has changed us, even when we might feel different, we still are the very same people all the time.
I won't go on so I won't influence your opinion on these poems, enjoy them and let me know what you thought of them!
Avi
Currently reading : Les Fleurs Du Mal By Charles Baudelaire Release date: October, 1985
Weekly Music - Oct.28
Current mood: calm
Category: Music
Hey everyone... Weekly music recommendation for all of you...This week I decided I'm gonna do something different; besides not only including one more recommendation, I'm gonna add some news. Let's see how it works for me in the following weeks and if you enjoy it, I'll keep it up.
My first recomendation of the week is Chapter V, by Staind. This rock band has managed to score some big points on the charts in the past, being named best selling band, and this is no different. I already know most of the lyrics to the songs, they fit most moods, not all of them alright, I won't fool you. This 2005 production has great tracks like Run Away, Right Here & Everything Changes. If you haven't already, give it a spin, the worst thing can happen is that you don't like it, huh? Thanks Jason for reminding me of them, I'm hooked again!
Now, my second recommendation, and part of the new section of this, hehe, section, is gonna be what I should call the "Golden Rec" of the week. Today is gonna be Ella Fitzgerald's The Last Decca Years 1949 - 1954. This great compilation that unfortunatelly I do not have the privilege to own, but have enjoyed widely thanks to a friend of mine, it has a great mix of classic jazz & swing songs, and of course the beautiful voice of Ella. Great for dancing and just chilling out if you want, if you find it somewhere, buy it... is a great addition to a respectable collection.
On the news front, well some of you already know there's a new and first Latin American Idol, and even though some of you might discard the idea of a reality show popping out respectable singers, in the positive spirit of a friend of mine, let's support them. I did and our very own, Mayré Martinez is the first Latin American Idol. She's got a powerful voice, great technique and now the opportunity to offer us a new proposal... So, let's patiently wait for that to happen.
Hoping you have fun experimenting with my choices, see you next week!
Avi
Currently listening : Chapter V By Staind Release date: 09 August, 2005
Floating device - Saturday, October 21, 2006
Current mood: content
What do you do when time and distance plays with your fate? When you know that a future is made up of decisions, how do you make it so that each one of them is the right one, to build that path that fulfills your dreams and ultimately makes you happy. There are so many options, you take roads every day, they seem insignificant, but even ordering in modifies your life… everything is made out of choices.
This game, life, seems so complicated contemplating the path you have already strolled, sometimes marveling you with all your achievements, sometimes just making you sad with the little list of things you hold under your belt.
Nowadays even being alive is an achievement.
I've lived my life, so far, riding the wave. Making adjustments as I float, just to be able to stay above the water; sometimes I swim in one direction, the one I think the shore is at, and either a wave pushes me back to beginning or that shore that seemed near, was just a spell.
It's true, you do learn from those bad decisions, from those bad roads you walk, from that huge wave you couldn't climb, but it rattles you, shakes you, plays with you, and for a second you feel as if there's no air in your lungs, …a bad decision feels like that. Plays with your fate.
But you eventually should learn how to surf.
I found a table the other day, figure speech that is, and if you're still reading this blog, and coping with my nonsense, I have to tell you, I like my new table. It's an exciting one, that has given me some leverage.
Unfortunately, this table of mine is far away, and I have to imagine brand new ways to see this table, to get to know it, to learn from it, to get it to know me and make my life different in this sea. Sometimes, I just hurt over the fact that this table is just so far… I lose my floating level a little.
If this distance that keeps me apart from this table is so constant, could it be a spell? It might be a spell, another shore I swam at and disappeared in front of my eyes… I just don't want it to disappear… I want it to help me and to teach me how to float over this sea and forget about the time and distance that plays with our fate every day.
I'm happy floating as it is… right now the sea is calm and kind…
What do you do when time and distance plays with your fate? When you know that a future is made up of decisions, how do you make it so that each one of them is the right one, to build that path that fulfills your dreams and ultimately makes you happy. There are so many options, you take roads every day, they seem insignificant, but even ordering in modifies your life… everything is made out of choices.
This game, life, seems so complicated contemplating the path you have already strolled, sometimes marveling you with all your achievements, sometimes just making you sad with the little list of things you hold under your belt.
Nowadays even being alive is an achievement.
I've lived my life, so far, riding the wave. Making adjustments as I float, just to be able to stay above the water; sometimes I swim in one direction, the one I think the shore is at, and either a wave pushes me back to beginning or that shore that seemed near, was just a spell.
It's true, you do learn from those bad decisions, from those bad roads you walk, from that huge wave you couldn't climb, but it rattles you, shakes you, plays with you, and for a second you feel as if there's no air in your lungs, …a bad decision feels like that. Plays with your fate.
But you eventually should learn how to surf.
I found a table the other day, figure speech that is, and if you're still reading this blog, and coping with my nonsense, I have to tell you, I like my new table. It's an exciting one, that has given me some leverage.
Unfortunately, this table of mine is far away, and I have to imagine brand new ways to see this table, to get to know it, to learn from it, to get it to know me and make my life different in this sea. Sometimes, I just hurt over the fact that this table is just so far… I lose my floating level a little.
If this distance that keeps me apart from this table is so constant, could it be a spell? It might be a spell, another shore I swam at and disappeared in front of my eyes… I just don't want it to disappear… I want it to help me and to teach me how to float over this sea and forget about the time and distance that plays with our fate every day.
I'm happy floating as it is… right now the sea is calm and kind…
Weekly Music & Read- Oct. 21 2006
Weekly Read - Oct 21
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
For all of you not afraid of wandering around the self help shelf of your choice book store, I'm gonna recommend this book to you.
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is a deep approach to the ability of our mind to control our life by living the day, living in the now as he says.
While reviews of this book have been mixed, the core of it rests on the Buddist way of appreciating life and dealing with the challenges a person is presented with.
Personally, I think he puts very complex concepts of life into concrete thoughts, and he has built the book so that you can rest your learnings out, adding breaks so you can digest what you've read.
The most important thing about this book is that teaches about the power of the ego, and how good habits and bad habits reflect on the way you feel about your life, and how to change the way you've been living it thru meditations and self examination.
I wouldn't say is the ultimate solution, but it does shake you a little. A good contribution to your self education towards your own good.
Hope you enjoy and experiment with this book.
Avi
Currently reading : The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment By Eckhart Tolle Release date: 29 September, 2004
Weekly Music - Oct. 21
Current mood: relaxed
Category: Music
Hi everyone!
This weeks recommendation is more in a lounging mood, to enjoy with a good martini or a glass of wine, next to your lover of choice, he he he...
Sergio Mendes for me is one of the greatest singers of all time, maybe the best out of Brazil... My favorite for sure. His songs are the soundtrack to that collective memory we all have of Rio de Janeiro and Bahia... and this new mix makes it all better for those new generations that didn't have the slight idea of the existance of this great music, and makes it all fun to us old fans.
I'm 24, probably not that old to be an old fan, but I've been listening to Sergio all my life.
Timeless counts with great collaborations by The Black Eyed Peas, India Arie, Justin Timberlake, Erikah Badu, Steve Wonder and numerous other singers and composers that make this record unique. Its a new aproach to samba, bossa, with a mix of new rhythms. I have favorites but I'll let you experiment with the whole cd, believe me, if you buy it you won't regret it, and if not just download it while you can (nowadays you don't know when they're gonna end with free mp3 bliss)Enjoy, and feel free to leave your comments!
Avi
Currently listening : Timeless By Sergio Mendes Release date: 14 February, 2006
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Writing and Poetry
For all of you not afraid of wandering around the self help shelf of your choice book store, I'm gonna recommend this book to you.
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle is a deep approach to the ability of our mind to control our life by living the day, living in the now as he says.
While reviews of this book have been mixed, the core of it rests on the Buddist way of appreciating life and dealing with the challenges a person is presented with.
Personally, I think he puts very complex concepts of life into concrete thoughts, and he has built the book so that you can rest your learnings out, adding breaks so you can digest what you've read.
The most important thing about this book is that teaches about the power of the ego, and how good habits and bad habits reflect on the way you feel about your life, and how to change the way you've been living it thru meditations and self examination.
I wouldn't say is the ultimate solution, but it does shake you a little. A good contribution to your self education towards your own good.
Hope you enjoy and experiment with this book.
Avi
Currently reading : The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment By Eckhart Tolle Release date: 29 September, 2004
Weekly Music - Oct. 21
Current mood: relaxed
Category: Music
Hi everyone!
This weeks recommendation is more in a lounging mood, to enjoy with a good martini or a glass of wine, next to your lover of choice, he he he...
Sergio Mendes for me is one of the greatest singers of all time, maybe the best out of Brazil... My favorite for sure. His songs are the soundtrack to that collective memory we all have of Rio de Janeiro and Bahia... and this new mix makes it all better for those new generations that didn't have the slight idea of the existance of this great music, and makes it all fun to us old fans.
I'm 24, probably not that old to be an old fan, but I've been listening to Sergio all my life.
Timeless counts with great collaborations by The Black Eyed Peas, India Arie, Justin Timberlake, Erikah Badu, Steve Wonder and numerous other singers and composers that make this record unique. Its a new aproach to samba, bossa, with a mix of new rhythms. I have favorites but I'll let you experiment with the whole cd, believe me, if you buy it you won't regret it, and if not just download it while you can (nowadays you don't know when they're gonna end with free mp3 bliss)Enjoy, and feel free to leave your comments!
Avi
Currently listening : Timeless By Sergio Mendes Release date: 14 February, 2006
Weekly Read - New Section - Saturday, October 14, 2006
Current mood: cheerful
Category: Writing and Poetry
Hello everyone!
This is my weekly rec. for those of you looking for a good read.
Paulo Coelho is a very well known brazilian writer, so you probably have heard from his books already... If you haven't you're in for a good treat.
Veronika Decides to Die is a very interesting story, from the very beginning captures you, so if you don't believe this, go into your local bookstore and sneak a peak,... you'll buy it.
Then you can go on an buy all of his books, they're great.
If no more, this story should be made into a movie, because it evokes images so powerful you can almost see the actors playing it out on the big screen...If you read it already, drop me a line, we'll talk about it... if you haven't, rush into your Borders or B&N and eat those pages!
Avi
Currently reading : Veronika Decides to Die By Paulo Coelho Release date: 08 May, 2001
Category: Writing and Poetry
Hello everyone!
This is my weekly rec. for those of you looking for a good read.
Paulo Coelho is a very well known brazilian writer, so you probably have heard from his books already... If you haven't you're in for a good treat.
Veronika Decides to Die is a very interesting story, from the very beginning captures you, so if you don't believe this, go into your local bookstore and sneak a peak,... you'll buy it.
Then you can go on an buy all of his books, they're great.
If no more, this story should be made into a movie, because it evokes images so powerful you can almost see the actors playing it out on the big screen...If you read it already, drop me a line, we'll talk about it... if you haven't, rush into your Borders or B&N and eat those pages!
Avi
Currently reading : Veronika Decides to Die By Paulo Coelho Release date: 08 May, 2001
Weekly Music - Saturday Oct. 14th
Current mood: happy
Category: Music
Time for another music recommendation from yours truly...This time I'm recommending something more fresh.
Lily Allen is a new singer, something different from all the hip hop we've all been listening to.
Alright, Still is her first Cd, and Smile, her first single can be heard from Top of the Pops to MTV. If you don't get any of those, please watch the video on You Tube... its very amusing.That particular song has some reggae rhythm into it, some new style that reminds me of the mexican pop singer "Natalia y la Forquetina". If you like Lily, you'll like Natalia...
So enjoy, and please drop me a line sometime...Avi
Currently listening : Alright, Still By Lily Allen Release date: 01 August, 2006
Category: Music
Time for another music recommendation from yours truly...This time I'm recommending something more fresh.
Lily Allen is a new singer, something different from all the hip hop we've all been listening to.
Alright, Still is her first Cd, and Smile, her first single can be heard from Top of the Pops to MTV. If you don't get any of those, please watch the video on You Tube... its very amusing.That particular song has some reggae rhythm into it, some new style that reminds me of the mexican pop singer "Natalia y la Forquetina". If you like Lily, you'll like Natalia...
So enjoy, and please drop me a line sometime...Avi
Currently listening : Alright, Still By Lily Allen Release date: 01 August, 2006
Pacheco is arriving, slowly... so slowly - Sunday, October 08, 2006
Current mood: contemplative
Category: Travel and Places
I know most of you don't live here, not even 100 miles from here... Caracas that is... but hey... its a pretty good place even if its so troubled these days.
Around december, while the nordic cities and countries go cold and bitter, we are still in the tropics... somehow Caracas is different.
Surrounded by mountains, the temperature goes down a little bit, that not really used to do this during the year, people start wearing jackets, even during mid day... with the blasting sun, its still cold enough not to be hot.
When this happens, we call it "Pacheco"... after an old man that used to come down to the valley near december, just when the weather was just right... Like its getting to right now.
There's something about december... or the months before it... this start to look brighter, the sky is always clear... and the music... well the music is special... its not like xmas carols, even though u hear those... but a lot more partier... like everything else around here, there's always an excuse...Am I a sucker for christmas? Probably, but even though I'm not even a christian, I value the importance of a time like such, when people get together and share the so little things we usually have... and let others just share theirs with...
Christmas or december its the perfect excuse to regain some humanity, to become a person again.
Its still a good 2 months away, probably a little bit less, and I'm just looking foward to see people smile, plan gatherings and just be happy.
If we put into our lives a dossage of christmas spirit this world might be different, we should not save it just for a period of 30 days, but spread it for 365...
Category: Travel and Places
I know most of you don't live here, not even 100 miles from here... Caracas that is... but hey... its a pretty good place even if its so troubled these days.
Around december, while the nordic cities and countries go cold and bitter, we are still in the tropics... somehow Caracas is different.
Surrounded by mountains, the temperature goes down a little bit, that not really used to do this during the year, people start wearing jackets, even during mid day... with the blasting sun, its still cold enough not to be hot.
When this happens, we call it "Pacheco"... after an old man that used to come down to the valley near december, just when the weather was just right... Like its getting to right now.
There's something about december... or the months before it... this start to look brighter, the sky is always clear... and the music... well the music is special... its not like xmas carols, even though u hear those... but a lot more partier... like everything else around here, there's always an excuse...Am I a sucker for christmas? Probably, but even though I'm not even a christian, I value the importance of a time like such, when people get together and share the so little things we usually have... and let others just share theirs with...
Christmas or december its the perfect excuse to regain some humanity, to become a person again.
Its still a good 2 months away, probably a little bit less, and I'm just looking foward to see people smile, plan gatherings and just be happy.
If we put into our lives a dossage of christmas spirit this world might be different, we should not save it just for a period of 30 days, but spread it for 365...
Weekly Music - Saturday, October 07, 2006
Current mood: awake
Category: Music
I've decided to open a new section in my blog. A weekly music reccomendation. So this being the first, I didn't know what to start from.
So it's not really a new cd or band or anything, but my first recommendation is Reanimation, by Linkin Park.
Its a rather old cd, from 2002, if you can call that a long time... but it has very nice tracks in it, a variety of sorts for me since the selection can drive you from punching madness to love depression... so it makes a good buy if you don't have it.
My favorite track is My December, a slow song that its not really that popular, but its very nice and very true in what it says...Hope you enjoy it!
Currently listening : Reanimation By Linkin Park Release date: 30 July, 2002
Category: Music
I've decided to open a new section in my blog. A weekly music reccomendation. So this being the first, I didn't know what to start from.
So it's not really a new cd or band or anything, but my first recommendation is Reanimation, by Linkin Park.
Its a rather old cd, from 2002, if you can call that a long time... but it has very nice tracks in it, a variety of sorts for me since the selection can drive you from punching madness to love depression... so it makes a good buy if you don't have it.
My favorite track is My December, a slow song that its not really that popular, but its very nice and very true in what it says...Hope you enjoy it!
Currently listening : Reanimation By Linkin Park Release date: 30 July, 2002