Self Loathing in Caracas

So I write this blog cause I have not found a way tonight to get rid of this anxiety attack I'm having... It just hits, angst kicks in and I feel all kinds of nervous... for real.

So, I'm unemployed but occupied, like lots... maybe that's one of the reasons... i get into these activities that sort of matter too much to me, and I'm scared I'll fail... I have 2 weeks to complete stuff that might change my life forever... yeah I think that's definitely playing a strong point into this nervous walking all over my tiny apartment, if I were spidy I would be crawling the walls right now.

That's another thing... Sometimes I would do hand stands or round offs or maybe just splits to get rid of this bad feeling, but even that I'm either scared o nervous to do... I fear I might fall, break something or maybe realize I even got too old to do that... I see the wall, I prepare myself to do the handstand... and ... walk away.

Yes, I'm stressed out, it takes me 10 second to go into the second word of every sentence I start, I need ritalin.

Or booze... whatever happens first.