*Sighs*

I should be organizing interview questions right now. I am, but my soul, while it struggles to be in these questions, and how much I want them to be answered, my soul is just somewhere else.
I always dreamed to be the voice asking these questions, yet another dream slipped through my fingers today, maybe it was more than one dream.
As you grow up, your desires mature, or at least you would expect them to. I weirdly enough always asked for good health... that, well, that never happened.
If you know me any, you know I refuge myself in my work life. The workaholic in me has a job right now that not only I adore, I thrive on to, and thank every day that I came across it, and the people and the happyness that has brought me over the last few months.
I've identifyed myself so much into my own work dreams, it became my life dreams, and today one of those pieces of life, died.
Back in 1998, when still undecided on what to do the rest of my life, because at 16 aparently you are expected to take the most important decision of your life fresh out of your barbie dolls and the stupidity of middle school, back then when I had just seen some episodes of a show that now runs my days, back then I admired something, I dreamed something and I looked in awe as an illusion became the pursue I have as my life goal.
Kim Manners, though back then was just a name at the beginning of a show, joined other names that just like him became teachers, idols, examples, or just the bits and pieces of people I wanted to hang onto to have hope that one day, I would escape a reality that gradually became obnoxious, asphixiating and just, hopeless.
Him leaving this world, as we all will eventually, comes as a painful shock; the one that makes you realize that time passes, people grow and move on, and while we are pursuing these dreams that morph into what they become or not, so comes the eventual acknowledgement that some of them will never come to you, and they shall remain, just that... Dreams.
The 16 yr. old in me that once said "Wow, I want to shake the hand of this person" wants to throw a teary tantrum right now, but life doesn't even allow me that at lenght.  The 27 yr. old that lives in my body now, stepped into her living room this afternoon and suddenly, everything about her things and her space, seemed different in shape, weight and sensation.
Its like every dream that you have defines you in every sense, its your point of reference, your GPS, what gives you the drive to move forward or backwards.
The tenacity Kim professed for every little thing he did was something I wanted to witness first hand but now I guess that dream that I felt died today, might have morphed into following said example as a guide into what good leads you should follow, into the reference of what he was and still will be even though he's not amongst us anymore. He followed his dreams, it powered him to move forward, and that leaks thru every minute of film he ever produced or directed, in every smile people give at his memory and in every tear we could had shed today.