Ramblings from an odd place

The fact that I'm sitting out in the hall of my apartment building, well past midnight, writing on my computer, tells you a few things about how I live today:

- In an apartment that has poor air circulation.

- That I do not care that pedestrians and neighbors look at me funny when they walk past me and see my makeshift porch.

- That my hours of operation are totally shifted.

- That I may be bored.

- That this is very different from the life I lived last year.

I've arranged to also wear headphones so I can hear the episode I'm watching right now, I've brought out a cushion for more comfort, drinks and, yes, my cigarettes.

I'm smoking, yes, and I should quit again.

I had been meaning to write on my blog again for a while, always promising myself sometime, but that obviously never happened, most likely because I was busy as hell, and every time I thought about being busy, I remembered a friend that hugged me before my first day at AFI and said: "Welcome to the busiest year of your life". I haven't seen her since then, because she was right and this has been indeed the busiest year of my life.

You know this when the sense of accomplishment comes from managing to have enough clean clothes to dress yourself and look decent for the next 2 days, or at least ones that don't smell (that much) or to have at least string cheese to eat for dinner, hell, that you made it to your house in one piece without getting a ticket for falling asleep at a stop sign a block from your place is one big deal.

You know that you're pushing yourself to the limit when you forgot the last time you ate, bathed, slept, what day is it, week, or month... well at AFI you don't forget days or weeks, but they mean different. You live your life by "I'm producing week 7 - cycle 2 but OMG my next film is week 2 - cycle 3, I'm going to die!".

I've found myself referencing birthdays to names of productions that ran that week, or trying to schedule my best friends wedding to match the tiny little break where I achieved to not get assigned to work 4 weeks in a row. I planned naps between safety meetings and set visits from faculty, sometimes under desks. Sometimes, those didn't even happen, 'cause someone needed peanut butter and jelly on the set or the last card for the camera ran out. Or something caught on fire, but that was only once.

These past days, I've made a list of things, deeper things than nagging that I would like to write about, and then I figured how also, through out this year I also learned that everything in writing and online will be read by everyone. Maybe some things are still meant for the Diary.

This is just a stretch out of my fingers to continue writing in the next weeks... just thought to let it spread, see if I could still hold a sane thought put in writing.