Hope Is A Tricky Concept

These have been very tough couple of weeks, with an even tougher past 5 days. If you're one of my closest friends you know what's going on, if you're not... let's just say that I've been stressed out... really stressed out.

I've always been the one to believe, the one to hold hope highly, "something will come up" regardless of the fact that my very realistic side always fights that off. Because leaving things up to fate is unnerving, something you can't control, and when it comes to your future, to your livelihood, to exposing yourself to something that could dramatically change your life, then Hope becomes a scary and tricky concept.

You'd think that because we've found ourselves splat in the middle of Holiday season, that we're just 1 week away from the so called "End of the World", that you would find me a bit more prone to believe, and I want to, I want to believe. Setting aside all the necessary puns about The X-Files, I do want to trust that there's something that's coming, that the universe is keeping from me for it to come at the right time.

And there's the people that say that the time of God is perfect... and I'm not your token religious person; I think my approach to beliefs and religion is not your standard concept, but I've never distanced myself from the existence of a higher power, something that moves the pieces of this board, even when you could make the argument that a higher power is just humanity itself.

I think that it also has struck me hard that my inability to shake off this worry rendered me unable to write anything.

I had a cup of apple cider with a friend yesterday afternoon and I woke up today, and even when things are not better, and I haven't found a sound solution to my problems, at least I've been able to write, and do productive things with my day, to try to solve some problems, to try to carry on.

I don't particularly have an objective with this blog, other than to thank those of you that have listened and advised; that regardless of not being familiar with my problems or being thousands of miles away, still gave me an hour of your time to try to sort out my confusion, giving me understanding and encouragement. It doesn't come lightly, because I'm not the one to seek for gratuitous compliments or even compliments at all, but I rather hear that you trust me, even when I forget how to trust myself to make the right decision, or know that I will have the strength to pull through.

Thank you for reminding me why you all believe in me; it might not make things easier, but looking at it from the right perspective, it will drive me to continue fighting... for the right things, the right way.

LOVE you all.